Lee Bacchus Looks At Golf
Some Gift Ideas for the Golf Pros on Your List
Alas, just a few days of shopping left 'til Christmas.
What to get? What to get? What to buy for those certain people who already seem to have it all?
Here then is my wish list for some members of the golf community:
For David Toms - an escape from anonymity.
For Jack Nicklaus - an escape from fame.
For Annika Sorenstam - Another legitimate rival besides Karrie Webb.
For Karrie Webb - Another legitimate rival besides Annika Sorenstam.
For Canadian southpaw Mike Weir - a set of left-handed cheque-writing pens.
For CBS announcer Gary McCord - a private cabin at Augusta and his own show on Comedy Central.
For Ernie Els - a facial expression that actually gives the impression he cares about winning.
For David Duval - any facial expression at all.
For Steve Pate - a little less expression and a year's supply of Valium.
For Sergio Garcia - a year's supply of Ritalin.
For 17-year-old phenom and PGA qualifier Ty Tryon - a golf history book and a jar of Clearasil.
For Phil "The Thrill" Mickelson - seventy-two consecutive boring pars and a major.
For Colin Montgomerie - ditto, and make it the British Open will you, Santa? For Laura Davies - a contract with the World Wrestling Federation.
For John Daly - continued power, as in, willpower.
For Vijay Singh - something he lost in 2001: the winning touch.
For Shingo Katayama - a 10-gallon hat that doesn't look like it was bought at Toys'R'Us.
For Jesper Parnavik - a new wardrobe that avoids both pink and plaid.
For Tim Herron, Craig Stadler and Duffy Waldorf - a pairing at a Wendy's sponsored event.
For Robert Allenby - a steak-and-ribs night out with Tim, Craig and Duffy.
For Billy Mayfair - a putting stroke that doesn't look like a convulsive spasm.
For Charles Howell III - a year in which he lives up to all the hype that's surrounded him.
For Bob May and Jean Van De Velde - another chance at a major.
For Nick Faldo - a time machine that only goes in reverse.
For golf equipment manufacturers - a time-out from their "research and development" so we don't have to feel like we're buying planned obsolescence.
For golf broadcasters - a genuine rival for Tiger.
For Davis Love III, Charles Howell III and Notah Begay III - three victories each.
For Darren Clarke and David Feherty - a hearty pint of Guinness.