All Hope Abandon, Ye Who Enter Here

Worldgolf.com has always been interested in recognizing important holidays, and today is no exception. Another Internationational Talk Like a Pirate Day has come and gone, leaving many land-lovers around the world pondering its true purpose. But all of those who scoff at this cherished holiday are missing a perfect opportunity to expand their vocabulary, wear puffy shirts, drink rum out of commandeered goblets, and increase their chances with the ladies by incorporating pirate-pickup lines such as, "Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?" and "Prepare to be boarded!" into their repetoire.

As a person who has an affinity for pirates, I have always tried to incorporate a little buccaneer into my life. Allow me to detail how useful speaking pirate can be on the golf course.

For example, the word "Aarrrrr" (number of "r's" optional) can be used in almost any situation, and a person can allow his or her tone (or the number of "r's") to convey the message's meaning. Several variations of "Aarrr" can be a great option in any of the following situations:

1. You are only 80 yards out after a beautiful tee shot, but you hit an obese wedge in the bunker short of the green.
2. You're partner has just hit an iron to ten feet, and you proceed to knock one to six feet.
3. The beer cart girl asks if you need anything to drink.
4. Your partner asks if his putt is good, and you respond "Aarrr." When he picks up his ball, you inform him that he lost the hole because you clearly indicated that his put was NOT good.

The word "Aarrrr" can be especially useful in match play situations, as it not only intimidates your opponent, but also forces him or her to spend time interpreting what you're trying to say rather than focusing on his or her own game(not a bad strategy for our American team during the Ryder Cup. Even wearing puffy shirts while saying "Aarrr" would be less humiliating for them than what happened at the matches in 2004).

So, embrace International Talk Like a Pirate Day. After all, it's just as legitimate a reason for Americans to get drunk as Cinco de Mayo, and let's be honest, who amongst us doesn't want to be able to get away with saying, "Shiver me' timbers!"?

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