The government has opted to control health care, the auto and insurance industries, banking and student loans. What would happen if government decided to take over the golf industry?

For starters, one pro at a fancy club in Naples (who didn't want to be named) said, "Tom Kaine, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi and their pals would have the upfront parking spaces with their names on them while the Republicans and Conservatives would be in the unpaved back lot. Members of the Tea Party would have to walk in.

I see other scenarios.

Organization
- Barney Frank would be appointed Golf Czar. Thelma and Louise would be named to his staff.

- The PGA, the LPGA and the USGA would be consolidated under the NGA (National Golf Authority).

Clubs
- Private clubs would have to contribute a large share of their dues to munis. But that would only be for a while. All private clubs (except Congressional Country Club and Olomana Golf Course in Waimanalo, Oahu) would be phased out and eventually become public.

- Several courses would be closed. Sorry. This is only logical as there would not be enough money to keep them all up.

- Augusta National Golf Club, the Connecticut Golf Club and similar clubs would have to let everyone play, including women.

- Women could play on Saturdays anytime, everywhere.

- Old people would have to go before a panel for the right to play.

- Members-only rooms would be eliminated.

Rules
- The rule book would have more than 4,001 pages so no one would read it . If they did read it, they wouldn't understand it nor get why there was a grant for a golf school in Agottcha State.

- The Clinton Rule would allow three mulligans a round.

- The Biden Amendment would impose a two stoke penalty for using four letter words, even if whispered.

- Rules would not apply to Elected Officials.

Equipment and Course Design
- Any new courses would be designed by NGA-appointed architects who would need to adhere to established criteria. i.e. number and shape of bunkers; length of course; elevation change limits; size of putting greens, number tee boxes (two: Standard & Seniors) etc.

- Balls, clubs, swing trainers and other golf equipment would be government issued with contracts awarded to preferred suppliers..

Financial Adjustments
- Pro's would be paid directly by the NGA according to a set fee schedule.

- Those taking lessons would be charged a co-pay of $5. If the student couldn't afford it, he or she would receive a subsidy from the NGA.

- The Pay Czar would regulate the amount of money paid to winners and other participants in NGA events. A new system called "Funny Math" would be used to find the money.

- Golfers would have to pay a special VAT (value added tax) because they're enjoying themselves. ..

Environmental Concerns
- Irrigation on golf courses would be eliminated except for Congressional Golf Course where it would be allowed.

- A surcharge would be added to the cost of anyone using a gas-propelled cart.

Get Used to It
- You'd have to wait a month or more for a tee time; longer for a lesson. Get used to it.

- Elected fovernment officials would get preferred tee times and preferential rates. Forever. Get used to it.

- Rounds would take six hours or more. Get used to it.

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