It has become clear that if I am truly going to elevate my golf gadgetry to a Batman-like level, I need an iPhone. Sadly, this goal seems as unrealistic as my ever attaining a scratch handicap.

I hate phones in general, even ones with handy "apps."

If I were to get an iPhone, though, I would definitely buy the Wind Meter app (99 cents). The app measures wind velocity through the microphone of the iPhone and converts it into wind speed.

No more tossing blades of grass into the air like Tarzan, that cretin in a superhero-wanna-be loincloth.

Maybe there's an app that would tell me why I seem incapable of leaving a divot on the course (but not on the range), and instead contacting the ball thin and sending every shot left.

If there is, I might just get one of those iPhone doohickeys after all.

Holy Luddite, Batman!

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