Vijay Singh won the FedEx Cup, and Paddy Harrington might take home Player of the Year. But Kenny Perry wins Whiner of the Year Award hands-down.
In the October 3rd issue of GolfWorld, Jim Moriarty reports how Kenny Perry described the Tour Championship at East Lake in Atlanta as, "the worst experience of my life, just about."
And what, pray tell, was so awful? Was Perry's house foreclosed upon? Were his life-savings wiped out by medical expenses? Was he on the verge of shooting his family and himself because he was despondent over not being able to find work (as happened to another family yesterday in southern California)?
Not quite, but "just about."
See, by being compelled to appear at the Tour Championship, where he tied for 24th in the 30-man field and pocketed $370,000, Perry's celebration of the Ryder Cup victory was spoiled.
"I don't want to be here," Perry is reported to have said. "Don't want nothin' to do with this deal. It's ruined the greatest week of my life, comin' here. It really has. I don't want to play golf. I just want to go home and celebrate."
Aw, poor baby. You mean he actually had to play golf and earn as much as your typical firefighter or police officer does in six years, rather than going home to celebrate?
I honestly don't know how the moon-cheeked little fella was able to soldier on. What a trooper!
"This week has ruined my week," Kenny Whiney droned on, repeating his complaint in slightly different, yet still redundant words so that us common folk might be able to comprehend his anguish.
Moving past how miserable it was to play golf and win enough money to pay off most people's mortgage and credit cards with a nice chunk of change left over, he then launched into how utterly miserable and unfair it was that he had to pee into a cup after the Tour Championship.
"I've already been drug-tested twice," Perry pissed and moaned. "I don't understand it."
Frankly, I don't either. Unless it's just too embarrassing to have to drop trou in front of a stranger when it's obvious you need to grow a pair.
