Loyal readers of my admittedly sporadic and occasionally soporific blogs (i.e., the six people I pay to read them) already know of my ambivalence toward made-for-TV events like the upcoming Merrill Lynch Skins Game. On one hand, I like to watch good golf, and have fond memories of watching the Skins Game and eating left-over turkey sandwiches as a child with my grandfather.

On the other hand, I cannot quite understand why my small-business-owning, lower-middle-class, frugal late grandfather, I, or anyone else should want to watch the extremely rich and enviably talented get even richer. I mean, ain’t life good enough for them without the extra dough from meaningless media events?

And now that I see the field for this year’s Skins Game, I’m even more torn.

We have Tiger – OK. No quarrels there.

We have Fred “Boom Boom” couples, who got his nickname by either booming drives well past the competition in his prime OR by autographing more breasts than a lead singer in a hair-metal band. No problem – the guy’s got my respect either way. (Plus, he usually wins these things, with over $3 million in career Skins winnings.)

Then we have Annika Sorenstam, returning for the third year in a row. Annika is, and has been for some years, statistically the most dominating golfer on the planet. And now that she’s single, she needn’t feel shy about approaching Boom Boom with her own Sharpie. So she’s a great fit, as long as you’re not one of those Neanderthals who believe girls shouldn’t play with boys, even in fake events.

Finally, we have Fred Funk.

Huh?

May I ask why Funky was invited? Was it because the producers wanted to include a guy whose drives won’t make Annika’s look so short? (Annika’s driving average is 248 yards, Funky’s is 270). Or, for that matter, won’t make Annika look short? (Annika is 5’6”, Funky is 5’8” in heels).

Maybe it’s because of Funky’s huge crowd-appeal. He’s an affable, jovial Joe. An every-man among prima donnas. Right?

Well, I can’t say for sure, but something about lil’ Funky doesn’t quite jibe with this image. Namely, the following quote from the Oct. 2004 issue of Golf Digest:

"Huge Bush fan. Hate the Democrats." - Fred Funk

Now, I don’t hold Funky's political tastes against him, but I wonder just how lovable the guy can really be deep down when he goes about proclaiming hatred for an entire group of people whose views do not agree with his own. There were dozens of Tour pros in that same issue pledging allegiance to the Republican party, and many were candid about the economic basis for that allegiance: Republicans tend to support tax cuts for the extremely rich, a category that most of the Tour pros polled fit comfortably into. No problem – people do vote their pocketbooks. But NO ONE OTHER than Funky espoused hatred. Distaste for Kerry, yes. Hatred for all Democrats, no.

Back to the Skins Game: We have three electrifying players, and one hate-filled short-knocker trying to get even richer in hopes that his political heroes will find some way to make Skins winnings for those earning over $1 million a year tax-exempt.

I think even my grandpa—a populist Republican—would have choked on his turkey sandwich.

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