The Cheap Bastard has a lead foot, which is ironic, as the rest of the Bastard body resembles cream cheese stuffed into a trash bag.

But with gas prices going through the roof, most of us are letting off the accelerator. Not me, mind you, as I've been a gas siphoner for years, and siphoners just don't care about gas prices, or fresh breath.

But, because I realize that not everyone enjoys using a garden hose as a gas-tank straw, here are a couple tips on how to conserve fuel while driving.

First of all, be chill. Going the posted speed limit may seem Urkel-ish to many of us, but the fact is this: Blasting along over the speed limit, zipping through traffic, etc., will use more fuel, and will likely only save you scant minutes of driving time.

Second, stop with the idling already. If you are going to wait for more than 30 seconds, turn the car off. You'll save gas and help beat those blasted terrorists.

Finally, keep your car lightweight and wind-resistant, like the fabulous Jennifer Mario. When driving at a higher speed, shut the windows for better wind resistance. Also, pay attention to any extra weight in the car. That body you have stuck in the trunk is hurting your fuel mileage. Polluted rivers exist for a reason, people!

There are tons of gas-saving ideas out there, so feel free to send some in.

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