I always thought of Canadians as mountain men with good palates. Folks who could survive in the woods but still appreciate a great bottle of wine.
Then I wrote about Canada being a good summer golf destination and realized just how wimpy and whiny many Canadians are.
Somehow I'd missed these crybabies in golf adventures to Whistler, the Kootenays and the Okanagans. But apparently they're out there. (Maybe they congregate near Toronto like America's East Coast loons).
For when I wrote that "almost all of Canada is summer proof," they sprang out of their air-conditioned mini hybrids like I'd insulted maple syrup or Michael Moore, the patron saint of Canada. This was meant as a compliment. In golf terms, summer proof means that you're not worrying about 115 degree days like in Arizona or Las Vegas or 145 percent humidity like in Florida where only swamp creatures and our own Tim McDonald stay for August.
Summer proof illustrates that it's enjoyable to actually be outside playing golf in the summer. Which was pretty obvious from the piece.
That didn't stop every Canuck with a thermometer to e-mail in their current temperature reading and outrage. In this same newsletter, I noted that Sergio Garcia needs "something more below the belt" and intimated that Al Gore is using global warming to fuel his political ambitions.
And nobody took umbrage at either of those points - except for the lone Sergio fan left twisting in the Scottish wind.
But Canada went bonkers in defense of its summer. Some of these crazies who don't lock their doors at night proudly argued that Canada's summer is actually more hot and miserable than the U.S.'s. Take that! One fool noted that Winnipeg's temperature stood at 95 degrees.
Which is sort of like giving Iraq's temperature. Who wants to golf there either? Newsflash, if you don't have a time machine to go back and see the Gretzky-Messier Edmonton Oilers play the since-departed Winnipeg Jets at Winnipeg Arena, there is absolutely no sane reason to visit Winnipeg.
So what gives Canada? What happened to your hearty spirit? Are you suddenly cocky because your dollar is no longer worth 50 cents?
I didn't even mention how a two 5-year-olds with Super Soakers could take down your entire army.
Canada's a great summer golf destination. And it's suddenly full of wimps. No wonder the customs agent was so jumpy when I came in. Ah?
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