GOLF HUMOR

Caddyshack quotes: Some gems from the best golf movie ever made

From Staff Reports

In 1980, a movie came out that changed the landscape of golf forever. For many "Caddyshack" was not just a movie, but a way of life, as lines from the movie have been used on golf courses as often as "fore!"

After more than two decades, however, those lines and the men who uttered them can get somewhat hazy, so we're pleased to present the actual quotes from the movie, where the golf was played at "Birchwood" and the one-liners came fast and furious.

The cast

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Carl Spackler ... Bill Murray
Ty Webb ... Chevy Chase
Al Czervik ... Rodney Dangerfield
Judge Smails ... Ted Knight
Danny Noonan ... Michael O'Keefe
Groundskeeper Sandy ... Thomas A. Carlin

Al Czervik

"Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it."

"Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity."

[to his Asian companion] "I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay?"

[After breaking wind at dinner] "Hey, did somebody step on a duck?

Carl Spackler

"This crowd has gone deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta nowhere. Former greenskeeper and now about to become the masters champion ... He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 iron I think ... IT'S IN THE HOLE!"

"So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the 18th and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."

"I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think."

Ty Webb

"I'm going to give you a little advice. There's a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball.

"Remember Danny - Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left."

Conversation

Judge Smails: You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean, he's been club champion for three years running and I'm no slouch myself.

Ty Webb: Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're a tremendous slouch.

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Sandy: Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course

Carl Spackler: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key.

Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool. Gophers. The little brown, furry rodents.

Carl Spackler: We can do that. We don't even need a reason.

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Ty Webb: Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball. You're not being the ball Danny.

Danny Noonan: It's hard when you're talking like that.

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Ty Webb: Let me tell you a little story? I once knew a guy who could have been a great golfer, could have gone pro, all he needed was a little time and practice. Decided to go to college instead. Went for four years, did pretty well. At the end of his four years, his last semester he was kicked out ... You know what for? He was night putting, just putting at night with the 15-year-old daughter of the Dean ... You know who that guy was Danny?

Danny Noonan: No.

Ty Webb: Take one good guess.

Danny Noonan: Bob Hope?

Ty Webb: Ha ha ... No, that guy was Mitch Comstein, my roommate. He was a good guy.

July 28, 2006

Information from this story was taken from the Internet Movie Database (IMDb)

Any opinions expressed above are those of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of the management. The information in this story was accurate at the time of publication. All contact information, directions and prices should be confirmed directly with the golf course or resort before making reservations and/or travel plans.