FEATURE STORY
Tiger Woods to announce his retirement from golf
By William K. Wolfrum,
Staff Writer
After he winds his way down the 18th fairway of Augusta in this year's Masters, Tiger Woods' epic chase for golf's most hallowed records will come to an end.
With rumors afloat that Woods' wife Elin will be giving birth to triplets, Tiger Woods will announce his retirement from competitive golf, say sources unwilling to be identified. A press conference is rumored to be scheduled for Friday.
"That's it, it's over," the source said April 1. "Tiger is moving on to full-time fatherhood and other challenges.
The source went on to say that there are rumors that Woods, who has been in the public eye since the age of three, has burned out on golf, and may even look to other sports as a way to unleash his legendary competitiveness.
"Tiger and Roger Federer have been spending a lot of time working on Tiger's tennis game," said the source. "Tiger's serve is already approaching the 125-mph range, so I wouldn't be surprised to eventually see him try to add a Wimbledon trophy to his golf accomplishments.
Woods will retire with at least 64 career PGA Tour victories and 13 major triumphs. At least one Woods fan claimed disbelief in the possibility of a PGA Tour without the venerable Tiger.
"This is the worst news I've ever heard," said Donald Trump. "Seriously, why in the hell would anyone want to watch the PGA now?"
Some anonymous sources have added that there are rumors that Woods will work full-time with teen sensation Michelle Wie, both as a tutor and golf coach.
"Tiger's been to Stanford and been at the top of golf," said the source. "Plus, if he worked with Wie, that would likely take care of his commitments to Nike."
The news of Elin's pending triplets was accidentally leaked on the television show "Oprah."
With Woods leaving the game, caddie Steve Williams has let it be known that he will stay in golf, but no longer as a looper. He will be accepting a position with Sports Illustrated as a golf photographer.
Aside from an eventual tennis career, work with Wie and a job as a father of four, Woods will also continue his work with his charity, The Tiger Woods Foundation, as well as work as a consultant for the Tavistock Group.
Woods could not be reached for comment, but someone who could have been a spokesman said "Dude, what are you on?" when asked about Woods' imminent retirement.
Nonetheless, the anonymous sources stand by their rumor.
"He's done. Face it, this will basically end golf as we know it," said the source. "But man, could it be good for tennis, or what?"
April 1, 2008
Any opinions expressed above are those of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of the management. The information in this story could not be confirmed at the time of publication. If you have any questions we suggest you check the dateline. Happy April Fools Day!
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sergio wrote on: Apr 16, 2008
Joke or not, he is extremely arrogant and hostile and only cares about the money and nobody else.
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Marjorie Taylor wrote on: Oct 1, 2008
Tiger is very sad about your opinion of him but wishes you well!
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george wrote on: Apr 14, 2008
I wish he would retire. His obnoxious behavior has done nothing for the game. The sport casters and newpapers protect More »
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Chip Shot wrote on: Apr 9, 2008
You obviously don't know Tiger. He would consider this quitting - and he's the farthest thing from a quitter. You guys More »
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BobbyWomack wrote on: Apr 2, 2008
Surprise, surprise...Tiger is a typical golfer who curses when fans and photographers violate course rules. With all More »
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Norma wrote on: Apr 1, 2008
April Fools Day?
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jimmy velman wrote on: Apr 1, 2008
I agree on your article about Tiger's
arrogant behaviour on the golf course.
Cursing and uttering profanities within More »
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Starr wrote on: Apr 1, 2008
Good one! Loved it! I just hope it doesn't make Tiger swear in front of his child...
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Rosemary Burbaum wrote on: Apr 1, 2008
All a bunch of bull----!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Nancy Callahan wrote on: Apr 1, 2008
I was devastated when I read your article. I had forgotten what day is was. What a relief...
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John E. Molinari wrote on: Apr 1, 2008
Tiger's reaction to an unexpected interruption is nothing new. Professional golfers have been reacting negatively to More »
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Dave wrote on: Apr 1, 2008
Could this be true...on Aprils Folls day too?
I doubt it!
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Orca wrote on: Apr 1, 2008
Good April Fool's prank
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coby wrote on: Apr 1, 2008
omg....not funny at all....down right scarey
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BackAlleyBarney wrote on: Apr 1, 2008
I wish that he would quit...he is a disgrace to the game of golf....no class or self-control...and doesn't even care More »
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Stone wrote on: Apr 2, 2008
BackAlleyBarney: What a goof!!
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youdon'tneedtoknow wrote on: Apr 1, 2008
What is your probem are you mental. Without Tiger golf would never have achieved what it has. the golf industry needs More »
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Craig wrote on: Apr 17, 2008
WOW! All the Tiger haters out there are ignorant morons. Have you played golf before? Do you understand the game of More »
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