The Men of the PGA Tour: Calendar should showcase male golfers' offbeat good looks

By William K. Wolfrum,
Staff Writer

In a relatively short stretch of time, golf calendars have gone from the mundane to the marvelous.

As a society, we are not so far removed from the days of golf lovers being forced to tick off the days to obscure golf facts, or 365 straight days of "Golf is a good walk spoiled" translated into other languages ("O golf é uma caminhada boa feita mal").

Kristen Williams: A morning golf masterpiece Brandon Tucker: Of birds, bees and birdies Clive Agran: Some ghastly golf gifts Sandolo sizzles in new calendar Is Wie ready to join Kournikova and Sharapova?

Today, male golf fans are deluged with calendars that feature golf at its sexiest. Natalie Gulbis is back with another 12-month tribute to her body. Sophie Sandolo takes things even further with her 2007 calendar, which shows off the former UCLA star in poses sure to take your eye off the ball.

Then there's the Top Shots Women of Professional Golf 2007 calendar, which features several Australian golf stars in various tasteful-yet-"holy crap!" photos.

Yes, the golf-calendar market well serves those of us who appreciate the female form. But do women get a chance to gaze at the beauty that is the male professional golfers? I think not.

You'll never see a 12 Months of Tiger calendar featuring the greatest athlete of his generation" gallivanting on the beach in a thong. Camillo Villegas, maybe, but like Antonio Banderas, he really looks better clothed.

And besides, is that the direction PGA Tour should go? Is the Tour brass willing to push the "sex sells" strategy into men's golf?

Probably not, because they don't have much sexiness to sell. At least not conventional sexiness.

Luckily, women tend to be deeper than us men. We see Natalie Gulbis in a bikini and we wouldn't notice if she had a tattoo of a muskrat down the center of her face. Women notice that kind of thing; more important, looks aren't their main priority. They notice the essence of a man, his inner goodness or badness, his caring side, blah blah blah.

What I'm saying is this: If we put together a calendar of PGA stars that showcased their own unique, unconventional style, it would sell like hotcakes, if hotcakes are still considered a barometer of economic growth.

How about capturing Carl Pettersson's rugged good looks? Or Tem Herron's rugged and, um, chubby good looks? Or, hell, Kevin Stadler's fat good looks?

There's Fred Funk's "wacky neighbor" allure, and the sensual oval-ness of Steve Flesch's head. And who wouldn't want to spend, say, March waking up to Ben Crane's tribute-to-the-lead-in-Powder magnetism?

We could have John Daly, passed out in his boxers surrounded by old pizza boxes, cigarette butts and Hamm's Beer cans, for a look at the unique beauty of a guy "pissing it all away." Chicks dig rich, down-on-their-luck guys.

Tom Kite could be featured, so that we may gaze upon the beauty created when you splice a human with a red-headed duck. Or Jim Furyk, so James Taylor can secretly buy the calendar and think, Wow, what a good-looking guy.

The options are limitless, I tell you. Plus, we'd be striking a blow against a shallow world where looks are everything. Sure, there are hot female golfers in Australia, but the PGA Tour has real character. The Tour has guys who have spent decades ordering a pastrami sandwich and fries at the turn. With the right calendar, we can capture that.

In a world where progressive thinking is rewarded, this is the time for the Men of the PGA calendar. It will change the way people view pro golfers forever. Plus, we can give all the proceeds to the United Way, or the Unsuccessfully Spliced Red-Headed Duck Foundation. By showing male golfers as they really are, we can overcome the tyranny of appearance.

Unless Tiger and Elin want to do a calendar. Then we go with them.

January 8, 2007

Any opinions expressed above are those of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of the management.