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Michelle Wie, boy in Wisconsin show we forgot about the birds and the bees

Brandon TuckerBy Brandon Tucker,
Managing Editor
Michelle Wie - LPGA Championship - third round
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Boys should be boys and girls should be girls (unless they can make lots of money through exploitation in pro sports). (Chris Baldwin/WorldGolf.com)

As a law-abiding American citizen, it is heartwarming to know the legal system is hearing such relevant cases as little Keith Bukowski: high school boy who dreamed of competing in girls' gymnastics in Wisconsin. He dreamed so hard, when his request was denied by the schools, he got hundreds of signatures and took it to the state courts.

And we thought the whole recent gender-bender phenomenon was simply a spat between Michelle Wie's dream to play with the boys and Jean Van de Velde: the Frenchman who drew criticism when he said it would be fair to play in women's tournaments.

It seems Wie's pursuit is generating a subculture of boys who feel they should be able to compete against women. I really wish Rage Against the Machine hadn't broken up many years ago. In a time of war and terrorism, look what our youth is fighting for.

Wie has made clear her pursuit of excellence will be defined mostly against the opposite sex. We seldom hear talk of winning Nabisco or dethroning Annika Sorenstam. We hear all too often her dreams of playing in the Masters and in the Ryder Cup.

Our nation's brightest, fairest minds voted in favor of the school system. Originally filed in 2004, it took over two years for the case to filter through the courts. Two years to tell a boy he can't compete against women.

Unlike Keith, her case hasn't gotten to the courtroom, mostly because there are enough sponsors willing to exploit her quest. In the case of little Michael, no sponsors were eager to join the fight. When corporations aren't listening, it is only rational to turn to the State judicial system.

I know, males and females continue to become more equal. Woman can get equal paying jobs and even pick up the check once in awhile. But we're still far from being androgynous. Since Keith and four hundred other petition-signees parents clearly dropped the ball and didn't give them "the talk", I will now:

Boys have wee-wee's and girls have hoo-hoos. Boys have muscles in order to chop wood and defend offspring, while girls' muscles are stronger in areas that allow them to bear children and wear high heels. We also have different hormonal balances. Testosterone allows men to remember scores of October football games from 1994. Womens' estrogen instinctively tells them when Coach is having a sale.

Probably the biggest between the two genders difference is pregnancy. Either your health teacher or Jenna Jameson can teach you the details on how this happens, not me. While equally important as any major championship, "pregnancy" is not defined as a sport, at least not until Monday Night Football ratings go down a little more. The big inequity is that women can play sports, not at as high of a level in most cases, but men cannot have babies. In the event there are women who seem to have supernatural strength to compete with men, like Michelle Wie or East German swimmers, then it makes for interesting theatre to see how close they can come.

Keith will spend the rest of his life as the answer to a very emasculating trivia question, and leave a legacy as the boy who tried to fight the "man" by trailblazing a path to "equality" with a fantastically fluid floor routine.

The youth of tomorrow are supposed to be fighting the system by skipping art history to smoke cigarettes across the street and by having questionable tastes in music, not pleading with judges to play women's sports. We all need a reminder that boys should be boys and girls should be girls, unless they can make lots of money through exploitation in pro sports.

And parents of Wisconsin, this one is on you as well. Someone could have handed him a hockey stick or given him a Terminator 2 DVD at an early age and we wouldn't even have this discussion. Historical records of the Wisconsin Appeals courts will show the judges ruled 3-0, when all this boy really needed was a wedgie.

Brandon Tucker is the Managing Editor for Golf Advisor. To date, his golf travels have taken him to over two dozen countries and over 500 golf courses worldwide. While he's played some of the most prestigious courses in the world, Tucker's favorite way to play the game is on a great muni in under three hours. Follow Brandon on Twitter at @BrandonTucker and on Instagram at BrandonTuckerGC.

Any opinions expressed above are those of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of the management.

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