If Arnold Palmer was a Muslim, would World peace ensue?

There is a saying that “Golf is like life only on a larger scale.” Have you ever noticed how people tie their self esteem to their latest score?

Golf has golf psychologists but why not golf psychiatrists? What is the psychiatric reason for the 50 wars going on in the world today? Why can golfers from all over the world get along perfectly but family members are suing each other?

If today there was a modern young great looking Arnold Palmer clone and if he was a Muslim there would be no Middle East conflict. Japan would make any Japanese golfer winning the Masters Emperor Hirohito. Is it my imagination or did Japan bomb Pearl Harbor but the moment that Isao Aoki tilted his putter up like a flag at full mast the United States and Japan became best friends?

Golfers have connections but why don’t they use them? Butch Harmon spent 3 years as the personal golf coach of the Sultan of Dubai. Why doesn’t the United States make Butch the Ambassador to the United Nations instead of John Bolton. Did he get the job because he’s related to Michael Bolton?

If the modern Arnold Palmer clone was a Muslim named Muhammad Palmer and got invited to the Masters Champions Dinner then instead of calling the Americans “The Great Satans” the Muslims would be idolizing Muhammad Palmer today, and Augusta, Georgia would become the third holiest place in Islam, right behind Mecca and The Temple Mount.

In order to save life on Earth why doesn’t the United States send Butch Harmon, David Leadbetter, Hank Haney, Dave Pelz and a Korean ladies golf coach over to Dubai and quickly develop some boy named Muhammad into the greatest golfer since Bobby Jones?

Imagine the 18th fairway on Sunday afternoon at Augusta lined with Kafiyas and Burkas being shown to 1 billion Mulsims on Al Jazeera as Muhammad Palmer birdies 18 to beat Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson and Michelle Wie. It would be everlasting peace on Earth forever.

Let Fuzzy Zoeller insult the falafel at the Champions dinner. He would be beheaded in the locker room, which raises the issue, “How could golf be so popular without violence?”

The answer is that it’s a distraction from the violence. If you want violence then just watch Ann Coulter on CNN. How dare she call that lovely college girl “Miss Smartie Pants.”

–Karen Fish