Wild-haired conspiracy theorists had long foretold of the day this cosmic event would occur, but they were roundly ignored and pelted with trash. Thus, sent to the corners of the Internet like the many that believe 2012 will bring with it an apocalypse or two.

But now - Vindication! After winning the LPGA’s Ochoa Invitational in Mexico, Wie is being given the type of accolades sportswriters normally reserve for cyclists who they are 90 percent certain are steroid-free. Take this hyperbolic rhetoric from national golf writer Brandon Tucker:

“Wie showed at the Solheim Cup that she’s easily the most talented European or American golfer and it was only a matter of time before she shed the mighty winner’s goose egg. That happened this weekend in Mexico.”

Then, add in Tiger Woods’ win at the Australian Masters, and you have yourself the type of hyperbole normally saved for a Sarah Palin - Levi Johnston UFC cage match:

“Mark down this date – Sunday, November 15, 2009. On this one Sunday the game of golf which has been pretty much gasping for air the past few years finally got the revitalizing treatment it needed. It got the shot in the arm to cure all ailments.”

Personally, I say golf writers should enjoy this moment. They all waited a long time for a Tiger-Wie double, and they should wallow in it for a few weeks. Lord knows when it will happen again, after all.

Yes, my friends, forces throughout the world came together to ensure that Obama would receive the award - and $1.4 million prize. They did this for Tiger. I’m sure of it.

Woods, you see, is not a billionaire. I know, I know, it seems ludicrous that he isn’t. But he’s not. And Obama can help him get $1.4 million closer to that hallowed arbitrary figure. And with Obama taking the lead, others will follow with donations of their own.

This will become a national cause. We the People, in order to form a more perfect union, must make Tiger Woods a billionaire. It’s what we Americans do. Make people billionaires. Obama must give his Nobel Peace Prize money to Tiger. It’s why he won. At least that’s the best explanation I can come up with now.

–WKW

And while the FedEx Cup may have become the most important golf event playoff thingy on the planet this year, it certainly isn’t bringing in the casual fans. There was an actual headline last weekend “Woods makes cut.” Oh yeah, that’ll get the youth audience. Generation Tiger, baby.

Then there’s the fact that Steve Stricker is doing his annual shoot-18-under-every-FedEx-Cup-Event run. And yeah, I get it, Stricker’s a great golfer, a consummate pro, nice to his dog. Blah. Blah. Blah. Let’s face it, we couldn’t sexy up Stricker if we stuck him in the middle of a hot tub full of Scarlett Johanssons.

Luckily for the PGA Tour, I’m a think-outside-of-the-box kinda guy. And I have one word for the PGA Tour to help them spice up the FedEx Cup - Morganna the Kissing Bandit. Ok, four words. It’s Morganna, she just can’t fit into a one-word description.

You see, now 62, Morganna has been in retirement, just a one-hour flight from Cog Hill. Get her out of retirement, have her run on the course and kiss Stricker. Bam, ratings through the roof.

Trust me on this. Morganna is a national treasure. Remember, for years she would bound onto baseball fields, and yet the religious right didn’t go wild. Here’s a woman whose body is plainly a sin, interrupting America’s pasttime, and no one seemed to mind. Because even more important than her biggest assets, she exuded happiness and fun. You couldn’t help but love Morganna. For whatever reason.

With but one kiss, Morganna could sexy up Steve Stricker and put the FedEx Cup on top of the ratings. Or at very least, we’ll all get a chance to see her again, and then come up with some other crazy ratings plan later.

–WKW

But if there’s one golf subject out there not getting enough media play, it’s the Solheim Cup. Starting today, the 11th Solheim Cup, the LPGA’s answer to the Ryder Cup, starts today with morning four-ball matches at Rich Harvest Farms in Sugar Grove, Ill.

Today’s matches in the battle between Europe and the U.S.:

– Paula Creamer & Cristie Kerr vs. Suzann Pettersen & Sophie Gustafson

– Angela Stanford & Juli Inkster vs. Helen Alfredsson & Tania Elosegui

– Brittany Lang & Brittany Lincicome vs. Laura Davies & Becky Brewerton

– Morgan Pressel & Michelle Wie vs. Catriona Matthew & Maria Hjorth

Ok, so it’s Europe vs. the U.S., thus we miss out on seeing the best female golfers in the world (Lorena Ochoa, S. Koreans, etc.). But it promises to an entertaining tournament. The LPGA is already pushing it’s patriotism, and it may be the first time we all get to see Wie win something.

The Golf Channel will be showcasing 26 hours of match play, so give the girls some support. The U.S. team has never lost this event on American soil, and that’s a streak that should continue.

–WKW

Carolyn Bivens believed that the South Korean domination of the LPGA Tour was bad for the game, and went as far as suggesting that all South Korean women learn and speak English so they could draw more fans and sponsors. Bivens, of course, was fired not long after.

Now, however, the South Korean men have decided to show up. With Y.E. Yang’s historic victory over Tiger Woods at the PGA Championship, no longer can South Korean men be ignored in professional golf.

Of course, for American golf fans, nothing could be worse. Woods - who receives 90 percent of all air time during golf tournaments - was supposed to win this thing. He was supposed to take a step closer to Jack Nicklaus’s all-time record for majors. Instead, he fell apart, fighting anger, frustration, and even flat-out miss-hitting a ball. All the while Yang calmly put together a magnificent 70.

While Yang was a deserving and appreciated winner, the fact is that we can not allow the PGA Tour to begin emulating the LPGA Tour. We American golf fans expect Tiger Woods to win big golf tournaments. If not Tiger, then Phil. Or hell, even Zach Johnson.

Because, in the end, if we aren’t careful, Yang will soon be joined by more South Koreans who rightly believe they can win on the PGA Tour. And we just can’t have that. It’s time to ban the South Koreans. Before they win everything in golf.

–WKW

With that in mind, however, I present my only fool-proof prediction of the year - Tiger Woods is going to win this PGA Championship. Possibly by a lot.

Don’t get me wrong, Woods has some serious competition chasing him. Vijhay Singh, Padraig Harrington, Geoff Oglivy, et al. But I believe we’ve seen this film before. So enjoy the show, because Tiger Woods is about to completely blister Hazeltine.

–WKW

Of course, it’s not like James was the first superstar athlete to hide his flaws. About 100 years ago, Babe Ruth would eat 20 hot dogs, drink 30 beers, sleep with 28 prostitutes and then go 2-for-4 with a dinger. And the press would dutifully report on the dinger and little else.

Using a more recent example, it’s easy to see that James could be following in the same footsteps as Tiger Woods when it comes to image control.

Long-time Southern California sportswriter Paul Oberjuerge brings up a story about Woods from ESPN’s Rick Reilly. Because it seems that Woods - who has a minor reputation as a hothead on course, is likely even more of a hothead than we know.

At least, that is what Rick Reilly of espn.com claims in a recent column. And he is a big golf guy … who says he has been there when Tiger has thrown clubs or detonated F bombs after a bad shot … and that this bad behavior happens all the time. Reilly suggests it’s time for Tiger to control himself.

Oberjuerge goes on to say that he was never aware of who bad Woods can get on the course, but that he believes he knows why that is:

Tiger throws clubs and screams obscenities — sometimes directed at fans — yet a lot of us had never heard about it until Reilly wrote it?

How is that possible? …

… There has been a sort of media conspiracy — self-imposed, by the media — to Just Not Mention the bad behavior by golf’s golden boy.

That sounds about right. Much like how our national job rarely challenges top politicians for fear of never getting access to said politician, the same goes for Tiger. And the same will go for James, who ironically shares the same birthday as Woods.

As we are still learning to crawl through this new century, Woods and James are the shining examples of the new American Sports Superstar. Because while both are fine athletes and maintain great Q ratings with their fans, neither are by any means perfect. Just don’t expect the national media to tell you that.

–WKW

Luckily for us golf fans, that question has been partially answered by one Tom Watson. At 59, Watson summoned all his skill and intelligence to put on what was possibly the greatest performance ever at the British Open.

More than that, Watson proved that this generation of PGA Tour players suck.

Yes, Stewart Cink is the British Open champion - because Watson missed a putt. And Tiger Woods is still the No. 1 golfer on the planet - albeit after suffering the double whammy of seeing construction of his epic Dubai golf resort being put on hold and then crashing out of the Open in most humiliating fashion.

Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not like the remainder of the schedule will be dominated by the likes of Watson, Greg Norman or any of the other senior golfers that ply their trade occasionally on the PGA Tour. Tiger will likely rebound with a win or two, and remains the favorite at the upcoming PGA Championship. Steve Stricker, Kenny Perry and Zach Johnson will very possibly continue their solid play, as well.

But while the climax of the 2009 PGA Tour season promises to be competitive and exciting, the entire campaign will be remembered for Watson. Because with four rounds of amazing golf, Watson proved once and for all that the modern era just can’t compete with their predecessors.

–WKW

But his mindset will change soon enough, and when it does, I believe we all owe Watson a debt of gratitude. Because while Tiger Woods missed the cut, the Open was all set to become a Saturday and Sunday full of Tiger Woods. Why did he miss the cup? How is his knee? Oh God, how we miss him.

But Watson played four amazing rounds and shut down the Tiger talk almost completely over the weekend. It was glorious. I guess it makes sense that a man old enough to be Tiger’s grandfather is the only one able to keep Tiger quiet on a weekend at the British Open.

–WKW

A Tom Watson victory at the British Open would be like the 1980 U.S. Hockey team plus Michael Phelps plus Susan Butcher winning four Iditarods (that one’s for you, “Real America.")

A 59-year-old American cleverly winning the Open would give the U.S. the pride it currently needs. Everything would get better. Don’t ask me how. Ask me why. Because Tom Watson showed us it could be done.

Of course, if Watson doesn’t win, we can expect the same crap until at least 2011, according to many economists. So, let’s all root for Tom, shall we?

–WKW

And then I thought about how strange it was that Tiger Woods stumbled about and missed the cut.

Then I was puzzled and pleased that former Miami Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino was tied with Watson for the lead, obviously trying to score the big win that so long eluded him in the NFL.

Really, John Daly’s pants are about the normal thing at this British Open; Should be a fun weekend.

–WKW

“I had a pair, so I figured I’d do that for her today. I thought it would be a good gesture,” Daly told the Associated Press. “I know Phil very well and I know Amy. I’ve known them for a long time – we’ve played the Tour together. She’s a great lady. She has always been a sweetheart to everybody.”

Daly’s unprovoked support of Mickelson was just the latest in a run of positive stories about Big John. Because while one can question whether the PGA Tour acted appropriately in suspending Daly for six months, the simple fact is that Daly has used the time to showcase why so many golf fans fell in love with him in the first place.

Spending his time now competing in Europe, Daly’s game has started raising some eyebrows. More than that, however, his attitude both on and off the course has been steady and professional. Noticeably slimmer following stomach surgery, Daly said in a Q&A with the Golf Blog NiceBallz that his swing is now noticeably faster.

One of the more interesting aspects of Daly’s resurgence is how he’s kept his fans in the loop. A big fan of the social networking site Twitter (where he can be found @PGA_JohnDaly), Daly’s usage of the site far exceeds most celebrities and athletes. He gladly interacts with his fans on a near-daily basis, and has amassed nearly 6,000 followers in just a short time on the site.

Daly will soon be returning the PGA Tour, where corporate sponsorships will again be awaiting him. And while it’s too early to say whether or not the form that led him to two major titles will come with him, there should be no doubt that his fans will be there to support him, wherever and whenever he plays. And lately, he’s been giving those fans plenty of positive things to support.

–WKW

Wolfram Alpha is the first step in an ambitious, long-term, slightly insane project to make all systematic golf knowledge immediately computable by anyone. All you need to do is input a golf question into the comment field below, and my built-in algorithms will compute the answer.

For example:

Q: Who won the 1938 Masters?

A: I don’t know.

You see, all you have to do is ask! Sure, most of the time I won’t have the correct answer, or will just make something up full cloth, or just ignore the question entirely, but that’s part of the fun. Let’s try another example:

Q: What is Tiger Woods true first name?

A: Eldrick.

See, I knew that one, and was able to give the correct answer. That is the beauty of Wolfrum Alpha - sometimes it will be correct! One more example:

Q: What is Jack Fleck best known for?

A: Jack Fleck was a U.S. general in the Revolutionary War. His brave men helped win the battle of San Francisco.

Ok, I wasn’t sure of the answer to that, so I just made something up. Can’t you see the value of that? I sure can.

So folks, enjoy Wolfrum Alpha. It promises to be the most important tool ever for golf bloggers and golf fans. Of course, it’s no “Wolfram Alpha,” but we’re getting there.

–WKW

Still, there are holdovers that take umbrage to their favorite athletes cheating. And there are others who will side with their favorite athletes when they deny using steroids. Remember, we are but a decade removed from fans arguing that man-mountain Mark McGwire would never cheat.

Lance Armstrong has been accused of using performance-enhancing drugs, and has vehemently denied it. And the average American sports fan will side with him. He’s Lance Armstrong, Tour de France superstar, American hero, he would never cheat. It must be the damn jealous French out to get him.

Of course, it shouldn’t be out of line to think that Armstrong has likely cheated in the past. It’s difficult to comprehend that Armstrong - after a brilliant and inspiring fight against cancer - came back to cycling and dominated - while clean - against the world’s best cyclists, many of whom were in fact cheating.

But it seems we are supposed to believe that every athlete that has risen to the top of their sport has never cheated. All of these top, buffed athletes have previously denied, or continue to deny cheating: Armstrong, Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, Alex Rodriguez, Manny Ramirez, Tiger Woods …

Wait, Tiger Woods? How could I conceivably think that Tiger has ever done anything either illegal or illicit? He’s Tiger Woods! As Shane Bacon at Golf Fanhouse put it: “[R]umors that Tiger may be on the juice are obviously ridiculous.”

The question that many will refuse to ask - Why is it ridiculous to wonder if Tiger has ever juiced? Is it because the PGA Tour has announced that 100 percent of the players they’ve tested are clean? Well, as we’ve seen from Major League Baseball and the NFL, sports organizations will do whatever they need to do to keep their biggest moneymakers from being found out.

Do you really think the PGA Tour would test Tiger Woods for performance-enhancing drugs unless they knew he’d be clean at the time of his test? There is just far too much money to be lost to think otherwise.

You can argue all you like that performance-enhancing drugs wouldn’t help a golfer, but, no offense, you’d be speaking out of ignorance. Because there are all types of designer drugs out there that will help athletes in any sport, golf included.

In the end, let it be known that this is in no way an accusation against Tiger. I know what everyone else knows - he has denied ever using performance-enhancing drugs, and he has now said he’s passed two drug tests. No accusation made against him (if there even have been any) holds any water, whatsoever. About the only inkling of evidence against him would be his amazing physique, but Woods’ remarkable dedication to being the best golfer ever easily explains that away.

More than anything, though, Woods is, and will continue to be, a victim of his own era. Top athletes use performance-enhancing drugs. This is clear. And while I can write with confidence that I believe Woods is clean, the idea that he may not be is anything but ridiculous.

–WKW

To put it into simple, day-to-day words - Tiger Woods is Barack Obama, with the exception of being able to land a 1-iron on a nickel from 300 yards out. Basically, like Obama, all sins are rendered moot, because for god’s sake, it’s Tiger Woods we’re talking about.

But this is why media giants like The New York Times are starting to fold like 99-Cent stores. It’s time to keep it real, people. And I will start:

Tiger Woods is finished as the best golfer in the world. Done. Kaput.

In fact, to be fair & balanced in regard to all the gushing stories about Woods over the years, I feel I may even have to crank this up a notch - Tiger Woods is finished as a golfer, and will likely end up in jail.

Now, I understand that Woods has already won a tournament since his comeback from serious knee surgery. That he’s playing as well as he is now is actually a tribute to his greatness. But it would be neither fair nor balanced to express it as such.

Because, even in the hallowed confines of this blog, I have kneeled at the gate of Tiger, going as far as calling him “Greatest Athlete Ever.”

I’m not saying that I take those words back, mind you. I’m still pretty impressed by young Eldrick, and all. But I’m just trying to keep the hyperbole pendulum as close to even as I can.

So I say again: After his collapse at The Players Championship, Tiger Woods is finished as a golfer. His mental and physical games are shot, and there’s every chance he may never even contend again in a PGA Tour tournament. He’s done.

Unless he wins again soon. Then the hyperbole pendulum will swing the other way, of course.

–WKW