Barack Obama must give Nobel Prize money to Tiger Woods

Since President Barack Obama was announced as the Nobel Peace Prize winner, I - unlike every other human on the planet - did not form an immediate opinion. There must be something to this that we’re missing, thought I. And then it came to me - Tiger Woods.

Yes, my friends, forces throughout the world came together to ensure that Obama would receive the award - and $1.4 million prize. They did this for Tiger. I’m sure of it.

Woods, you see, is not a billionaire. I know, I know, it seems ludicrous that he isn’t. But he’s not. And Obama can help him get $1.4 million closer to that hallowed arbitrary figure. And with Obama taking the lead, others will follow with donations of their own.

This will become a national cause. We the People, in order to form a more perfect union, must make Tiger Woods a billionaire. It’s what we Americans do. Make people billionaires. Obama must give his Nobel Peace Prize money to Tiger. It’s why he won. At least that’s the best explanation I can come up with now.

–WKW