Curt the Golfer's five aces proves Barack Obama's victory was pre-ordained
By now, you’ve likely heard the main reason why John McCain lost the Presidency - Sarah Palin. Yes, it was all the Alaska Governor’s fault. She was a diva that was unaware Africa was a continent, didn’t know what countries were in NAFTA, was not positive that the Earth was a planet, thought pure methane was what mammals breathed, was a shopaholic who single-handedly raised the consumer spending Index two percentage points by buying $1.7 billion in new clothes, and on and on.
But you may be surprised to hear me defend Palin on this one. It wasn’t her fault McCain lost. It wasn’t even McCain’s fault. Or George W. Bush’s. No, if you want to know the real reason why Barack Obama is the President-Elect, one name makes it all clear - Curt Hocker.
Yes, it was Hocker - heretofore to be known as “Curt the Golfer” - who made things perfectly clear that Obama’s victory was pre-ordained. Because over the last week, while the Senator from Illinois was an unstoppable force on his way to the White House, Curt the Golfer was pulling off his own miracle - he recorded five holes-in-one at El Paso Golf Club in El Paso, Ill., including two on Saturday. For the year, Curt the Golfer has seven aces, including four on par-4s.
“It’s incomprehensible this kind of luck could happen, but it does happen,” El Paso pro Steve Fulton told the Associated Press. “There are other things in life that have been just as weird and eerie that have happened. What are the odds?”
What are the odds, indeed. In just one week, Illinois has had Curt the Golfer score five aces and Barack the politician win the presidency. By all means, there’s some weird and eerie stuff going on in the state of Lincoln.
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My advice - buy a lottery ticket this weekend and next - and if you live in Illinois buy 2! Jupiter/Uranus (make sure you pronounce that right now!) is the luckiest aspect in the astrological pantheon.
It was pre-ordained by one Lewis Hamilton.
"On the evidence of the past 40 years, the Democrats win elections only in years in which a British driver takes the Formula One world title and British drivers only ever win Formula One titles in years in which the Democrats take the White House."
"In golfing terms, Mrs. Palin was an all-or-nothing three iron out of the heavy rough. Mr. McCain took a mighty swing at it, but unfortunately for the Republicans, hooked it straight into a burger van, angering the crowd and hurting his shoulder in the process, leaving Mr. Obama with a simple two-putt for the White House. Mr. McCain may well complain about the Democrats being able to afford better clubs, but he and his caddie still chose the wrong shot at the wrong time."
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