How in the hell are we supposed to write golf blogs without Tiger Woods?

Ok, how in the hell do you write golf blogs without Tiger Woods? You realize, of course, it’s never been tried. We entered the world of golf blogging with a Tiger Woods already in place. We’ve never had to live in a golf world without him. And now he’s gone. For the whole season.

Golf Blogger Brandon Tucker
Reacts to the news that Tiger Woods
will be out the remainder of the season.

You see, people complain that the average golf blogger spends too much time writing about Tiger, to the detriment of all other golfers. The thing is, with Tiger around, golf bloggers would catch themselves after a two-week Tiger-blogging orgy, thinking “Jeez, I really am writing too much about Tiger, I should really work on a story about Phil Mickelson or (the name of the golfer that won that weekend).”

It was win-win. Because you know what? You readers wanted it. You wanted to ingest as much Tiger Woods as you could, and not the “Gatorade Tiger” kind. You don’t have to admit it, I’m just letting you know, it’s out there now. I’m on to you.

Anyway, losing Tiger for the rest of the season is somewhat akin to a Sprinter suffering from a minor hamstring strain. The leg’s useless (Notice that all I gave the Sprinter was a “minor hamstring strain.” I mean, I could have wrote that the Sprinter suffered from a “empty space where his left leg use to be following a tiger attack.” But that would have been even worse and cringe-worthy, even. Mainly, though, I just didn’t want to hurt some theoretical Sprinter. That’s the kind of man I am.)

So now golf bloggers are faced with a desert wasteland of PGA Tour players. You’d think there’d be something there, but there’s nothing. There’s Boo Weekley and nothing else. You’d think Anthony Kim would be getting some mad respect lately for his play. But, seriously, the guy played golf all his life to become this good at such a young age. His instinctual interviewing skills have been completely submerged in golf speak and hanging around other golfers.

So, in conclusion, this is uncharted water we are in now, people. And there’s no life raft that will save you. Phil Mickelson? Are you kidding me? I mean, John Daly is bound to do something stupid, tragic or even mundane to give us a couple weeks’ worth of material, but that’s about it.

What does the future hold for us. I don’t know. I just do not know. I would imagine there will be a lot “Ok, now what do I write about now that Tiger’s out?” posts, more or less like this one but nowhere near as rambling. In the end, millions of golf bloggers will likely be lost. And then help the economy and nation as they move forward to more honorable pursuits.

So good luck and God bless to all you good American golf bloggers. We are about to go down the Rabbit hole. What we find there could be horrifying. And there won’t be a Tiger Woods there to save us. Personally, I’ll be fine. I’m a rambler. We ramblers get by.

–WKW