Humorless New England fans undeserving of having Super Bowl, World Series champs

If you can say one thing about New England sports fans, it’s this: They were a lot more fun to deal with when all their teams did was lose.

This is something I learned after writing a column for WorldGolf.com Magazine (“Tiger Woods just as dominating - but far less annoying - than the Patriots”). Now, while I admit it wasn’t my best piece of work (that honor goes to my recent blog post “Punch Russell Crowe in the head with proposed Golf Blog Contest!”), it was still a fun piece that included ample use of zombies - a staple of quality sports journalism.

Anyway, you’d have thought that I went out and flamed the entire baked bean industry (all baked beans are made in Boston, right?), such was the response. Within moments of the column’s publishing, there were two dozen responses from irate New Englanders, screaming how they’ve been wronged because some dude from a golf Web site finds their team annoying. The Patriots rapid response team is a humorless group, folks, get on their bad side at your own risk.

What’s funny is that I praised their team, but said I found them annoying. Here’s a line from that column:

Now, should the Patriots whomp the stuffing out of the New York Giants in the Super Bowl and finish the season undefeated, it will be impossible not just to look at them as one of the great NFL dynasties but they pretty much have to be considered the best team the NFL has ever produced.

Heck, I even admitted how horribly written that was, yet still they were all over me. Because not only do you have to appreciate the Pats, you have to love them, too, it seems. Also, offense was taken when I called the Pats a team of superstars. Because Tom Brady, Randy Moss, Teddy Bruschi, Junior Seau, Troy Brown and crew are just a bunch of hard-working, under-the-radar folks.

So, while I used to think that New England fans were getting their just due for not winning anything of significance since the Revolutionary War, now I think they have a lot of spoiled whiners in their midst.

Obviously I’m not calling all Patriots fans whiners, and I’m sure Bill Simmons will write a 48,000,000-word column for ESPN talking about how everyone from Boston is super-fantastic, but deal with it, you have some thinned-skinned folks rooting for the Pats. Thank goodness no one reads BadGolfer.com and saw the number I did on the Patriots over there.

In the end, I find the humorlessness of these Patriots’ fans to be unacceptable. So, you know what? I’m hereby putting the Whammy on New England. That’s right, the Whammy. The Red Sox were enough for you folks, at least until you start showing that you can be as good of winners as you were losers for lo those many years. And don’t start getting your hopes up over the Celtics, either. They’re included. It’s an all-purpose whammy.

New York Giants fans, thank me now. Eli Manning will channel Peyton, throw four TDs, the second-greatest Super Bowl upset in history will take place on Sunday, and Tiki Barber will feel like a real tool. The Giants will win the Super Bowl.

You only have yourselves to blame, New England fans. You had to get all frantic over some golf writer at an obscure Web site calling your team annoying. Well, they are annoying. Because I’m a Pittsburgh Steelers fan, as well as a golf writer. And we Steelers’ fans know annoying. We’ve had to deal with the Dallas Cowboys three times in the Super Bowl, after all.

And after Sunday, the Steelers will still have won more Super Bowls overall, and more in the last four years than the Patriots. And wow, will Patriots fans be annoyed then.

–WKW