Arnold Palmer, Tiger Woods and Jack Nicklaus will soon see others hosting PGA Tour events
But while Arnold Palmer is all the Arnold Palmer these days, the PGA Tour will be focusing more and more on individuals this year as Tiger Woods joins the fray come Independence Day, as the Tiger Woods Foundation will host the To-Be-Named-At-A-Future-Date Tournament, sponsored by To Be Determined.
We do know it will be in Washington D.C., and we know that Tiger Woods himself likely won’t even be there, but his name will be, which is all a sponsor can ask for these days.
Along with Palmer and Woods, Jack Nicklaus also hosts a tournament - The Memorial in his home state of Ohio. Now, with all these hosts floating around, you can be sure of one thing - some lame golf blogger will come up with the idea of “Hey, let’s have a host for every PGA Tour event, and watch hilarity ensue.”
Seriously, you just know it’s coming.
Hey, let’s have a host for every PGA Tour event, and watch hilarity ensue
Hosts for golf tournaments you say? How about:
The Dardanelle Classic Hosted by John Daly: Only the strong will survive this event in Arkansas, part of the PGA Tour’s new Scary Deep South Swing. Players will have strokes added to their scores for not drinking enough Jack Daniels and Diet Coke or smoking enough cigarettes. Strokes can be deducted by playing blackjack. Scoring will be by an extremely modified Stableford Scoring System, as leaders will be given two points for a birdie, five points for an eagle, and 10 points for each strokelette they survive.
Phil Mickelson’s Family Invitational: This tourney promises to be exciting, up until Hole No. 11 of the second round, when everyone splits to go spend more time with their kids.
Michelle Wie’s Nike Classic Non-Invitational: Mi-Wie will make her first PGA cut, get her first win, wear as short of skirts as she wants and get to shop with Lindsay Lohan in this tournament that will consist of a field of her with a press corp consisting of Jennifer Mario.
Mid-Life Crisis hosted by Greg Norman: This won’t actually even be a golf tournament, but instead be a bunch of Champions Tour guys talking about how fast their cars are and showing off pictures of who they dumped their wives for.
The Billy Mayfair Invitational: Players will only get to use one ball for this one, and they better not lose it.
Tim Finchem presents the FedEx Ford WalMart Invitational sponsored by McDonalds, Pepsi and Radio Shack: This will be the first PGA Tour event actually played inside of a working WalMart. In following Finchem’s grand plan of squeezing every last cent out of everything, each shot by every golfer will be sponsored, as will the announcers. Therefore it will be the first tournament where you’ll get to hear Kmart Kelly Tilghman comment on Frankenberry Fred Funk’s Appleby’s approach shot to the Hamburger Hamlet Hole No. 17.
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