It goes without saying that the United States is terrorized from all angles. There are the IslamoFascistNazis hiding behind every third tree, waiting patiently to slice everyone’s throats. There’s Mexico, bundling up its criminals and sending them to the U.S. in value packs.
North Korea and it’s tiny, freakin’ adorable little leader Kim Jong-Il have nukes. Russia is rattling its sabers. Cuba is a filled with angry commies. Venezuela, too. Iran is led by a nuke-hugging madman.
Face it, if you’re American, you have to deal with the never-ending horror of knowing that every non-American human on the planet wants to kill you, nuke your city and enslave your women. The question is, who do you preemptive attack first?
The answer is easy: China.
Yes, the Red threat in China is now too much to ignore. First, those commie bastards go buy up a bunch of the U.S. debt, then prove that they can’t handle their own economy. If the U.S. had known that the Chinese would screw us, well, then they likely wouldn’t have run up a 75-figure deficit. But they did, and now China is making the average stockholder pay dearly.
But aside from managing the American economy poorly, the Chinese are now starting to make other noises/ Noises a democratic nation just can’t bear - they want to ban golf courses.
It seems Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao said that the Chinese government will enforce a ban on golf course development on agricultural land, saying they wasted land that should be kept for growing crops.
First the stock market, then golf. Time to nuke the bastards.
Sure, many will complain that the U.S. is already stretched too thin, fighting too many wars to take on the red giant that is China. Well, they’re just bedwetters, desperately searching for someone to surrender to. But the fact is, those in charge of America are more than ready for more conflict.
“The fact is, we’re going to be in this war on terrorism for some time to come,” said Sen. Joseph Lieberman on CBS’s Face the Nation. “It’s going to give us more veterans.”
It’s time we all realize that terrorists are everywhere. With China holding the U.S. stock market and the world of golf hostage, it’s time they moved up the enemies list. We must not wait until the proof comes in the form of a mushroom cloud, or lost money, or golf course closures.
In a world where the U.S. has no choice but to bomb all it’s enemies into dust, China is next on the clock. Sure, the number of U.S. casualties will be enormous. But if that’s fine by Lieberman, that’s fine by us.
It’s time to save this nation. And golf. Nuke China. Now.
–WKW
WorldGolf.com's William K. Wolfrum blogs about everything in the world of golf and travel, including Michelle Wie, Lorena Ochoa, Tiger Woods and other PGA and LPGA headlines. Plus, he offers the humorous and obscure in news, politics and pop culture.
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