Bob Ney - Prisoner No. 28882-016 - reports to prison as golf laughs last

Former U.S. Representative Bob Ney has moved to his new home - a jail cell in Morgantown, W.V.

Ney drunkenly careened through the House for many a year, patriotically renaming French fries and accepting damn near anything in the way of bribes for his vote. Basically, he did what everyone else was doing, he just got caught. Because of golf.

Yes, while Ney sits in the same clink as original Survivor star and fellow criminal Richard Hatch, he can replay the wonderful memories of golf excursions in Scotland. Golf excursions paid for by Jack Abramoff, and Ney’s own soul.

Ney was sentenced to two-and-a-half years for the crime of selling his vote and selling out his constituents, or more technically, conspiracy and making false statements, admitting that he traded influence for golf trips, campaign donations and other gifts.

Little did Ney know, however, that he could have gotten off with a much lighter sentence, had he only been born a corrupt and immoral hunter rather than a corrupt and immoral politician, as murdering a caged and tame bear gets one but a slap on the wrist.

A federal judge in Minnesota has sentenced singer Troy Gentry to three months of probation and fined him $15,000 for killing a captive black bear in a fenced enclosure.

Gentry is one-half of the country music duo Montgomery Gentry. The half that murders caged bears, then acts like he heroically killed it in the woods. The other half is the dude stuck playing with him.

If only Gentry had had the non-presence of mind to kill the bear with a golf club, rather than a bow and arrow. Then, he’d very likely be looking at life.

Because golf slays its enemies. Jack Abramoff and Bob Ney are now getting their three hots and a cot in the pen. Tom DeLay has been cast out to the fringes of American society. All because of golf. Say what you will, but this is not a sport to be trifled with.

–WKW