Golfer Supremacy-ipidia presents: Fuzzy Zoeller

A lot of people in charge spend a great deal of time wondering why we, the Golfer Supremacy Rankings, need a staff of over 400, 14 vehicles, and unfettered access to Air Force One.

But there’s a reason for this extravagance. You see, we’ve been preparing to unveil this, our new master plan that will change how golf historians view the game - Golfer Supremacy-ipidia.

Yes, some day, with the help of readers, we believe Golf Supremacy-ipidia will have all the pertinent information on every golfer in the history of the known universe. It’s a truly thrilling project that we’ve approached with the same half-assed dedication and enthusiasm as we do all our projects here at the GSR’s.

Our first entry: Fuzzy Zoeller

Fuzzy Zoeller

Fuzzy Zoeller

Fuzzy Zoeller was born in Managua, Nicaragua on Oct. 18, 1965. He is a step-brother to Fozzie Bear of The Muppets’ Show fame.

Fozzie Bear carries a two handicap.

Fuzzy Zoeller won a lot of golf tournaments and had many fans. As a golfer, more than anything, Zoeller enjoyed tormenting Greg Norman.

According to Rogers Cadenhead, the Internet encyclopedia Wikipedia once printed this about Zoeller:

Zoeller went public with his alcoholism and prescription drug addiction, explaining that at the time he made those statements, he was “in the process of polishing off a fifth of Jack (Daniels) after popping a handful of vicodin pills". He further detailed the violent nature of his disease, recalling how he’d viciously beat his wife Dianne and their four children while under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol. He also admitted feigning a ruptured spinal disc in 1985 so as to be prescribed a multitude of prescription medication. [4]
He sought professional help and mended his fractured familial relationships. In May 2006, Zoeller said in an interview with Golf Digest magazine that he hadn’t beaten his wife in nearly five years.

Zoeller didn’t like that one bit and sued, though Wikipedia tried to explain that a portion of Rush Limbaugh’s entry had somehow been switched with Zoeller’s.

Zoeller is a practicing Jain.

Zoeller sometimes enjoys telling racially insensitive jokes at inconvenient times, while in the Deep South.

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–WKW