Tiger Woods outshines NHL All-Star Game without taking a swing

For many years, I enjoyed the hockey in much the same way as my Australian Shepherd, Duchess enjoys examining a new bug. Sort of with a “hey, look at that. What else is on?” attitude.

That was before my college days, when a guy I worked with at the University newspaper would bring his recreational hockey gear into the office after a game. The stink from his equipment was like death encased in Joy Behar’s colon. It was literally unbearable, and I was once a commercial fisherman, mind you.

Since then, I’ve been of the opinion hockey should be abolished. First of all, the players all must adore skating around that rink wrapped in their own filth. That gear they wear under their jerseys just sucks in bodily fluids. It’s nasty.

Plus, as far as the NHL is concerned, well, if I’m going to spend a chunk of time watching Eastern Europeans perform, there better be a trapeze and dancing bear involved.

So it was nice to see that the NHL All-Star Game was outshined by a golf news story about Tiger Woods possibly missing the British Open due to the birth of his first child. Think the British Open would be outshined if Lubomir Visnovsky was debating missing a big game?

It’s a small victory, but when the NHL’s best combine for 21 goals and get shown up by Tiger possibly missing a golf tournament several months from now, I get a warm feeling. I know it’s yet another sign that hockey will be eradicated in my lifetime, taking that nasty-ass equipment with it.

–WKW