State of the Golfer Supremacy Rankings Address

My fellow Golf Rankings lovers,

This rite of custom brings us together at a defining hour — when decisions are hard and courage is tested. We enter the year 2007 with large endeavors underway, and others that are ours to begin. In all of this, much is asked of us. We must have the will to face difficult challenges and determined enemies — and the wisdom to face them together.

We here at the Golfer Supremacy Rankings are proud to stand before you today and welcome those of you that count yourself as new fans to the game. We hope you will work with us in order to defend the game from the evils that lurk everywhere.

That being said, today is a time to rejoice. With the new FedEx Cup in place, we at the GSRs feel that we are entering a new era of ranking golfers. You see, even in a rankings system with no rules, style or format whatsoever, we feel we can grow.

The new FedEx Cup system adds exciting new possibilities to the world of golf ranking. As far as we can tell, up to 89,000 players are eligible to win the cherished FedEx Cup, and you don’t actually even have to play golf to win. Why, just last night, Patricia Gaitlin of Broken Bow, Oklahoma earned 98 FedEx Cup points for doing a good job serving a grilled chicken on rye with cole slaw at the Broken Bow Cafe. She’s now the No. 11 ranked golfer in the world. At least we’re pretty sure that’s the case.

Then there’s little Charley Hoffman of San Diego, Calif. Hoffman went out and won the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic and is now ranked No. 3 in the FedEx Cup standings. “Wicked, tubular, bitchin’, awesome, cool, sweet, radical,” Hoffman said afterward.

Wicked, tubular, bitchin’, awesome, cool, sweet, radical. These are words we live by here at the Golfer Supremacy Rankings. With Michelle Wie’s mere existence and with Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson again gracing the public with their presence at golf tournaments as they work to get in shape for the upcoming Tavistock Cup, the future is brighter than ever.

While being optimistic, we must take the fight to those who would destroy our way of life. From this day forward, those that utter the words “golf is boring” must be brought to justice, on this we all must agree. They must be interrogated, beaten, murdered, ground into powder, interrogated again, then be used as a seasoning for a trout dish at the nearest Red Lobster.

Only then will we be truly safe.

Nonetheless, let us rejoice in the moment. With the new FedEx Cup in place, the art of ranking golfers has become more interesting, important and challenging than ever. We are up to that challenge, and know that our weekly rankings will not just entertain and educate golf fans, but fundamentally make them better humans.

We are the Golfer Supremacy Rankings. Thank you, and good night.

–WKW