Golfer Supremacy Rankings see Jim Furyk, Tiger Woods and Erica Blasberg hard at work
For one hour a week, every week (-ish) we here at the Golfer Supremacy Rankings toil away at the GSR Super Computer, anxiously awaiting it to spit out the rankings that the golf-rankings-hungry population craves. We put in five, sometimes six hours a month, often sleeping less than 14 hours a night.
Like professional golfers, we are horribly overworked souls who do what we do because we love the game. We thank our lucky stars, however, that we aren’t politicians, who as we know are the hardest working entities in the known galaxy. Luckily, U.S. Representative Mike Pence recently set everyone straight on the plight of the overworked politician.
“There is a lot of battle fatigue among members, probably on both sides of the aisle,” Pence (R-Ind.) said recently. “Contrary to popular belief, members of Congress are human beings. They have a certain shelf life and a certain amount of energy to be drawn on. We’re tired.”
It’s easy for us at the GSR’s to get cranky due to overwork, much as it’s easy for golfers like Tiger Woods to fall victim to mental exhaustion from accepting endless, multi-million-dollar appearance fees in Tanzania. But looking at the oh-so-human lives of those in the U.S. Congress, we can see that we are just a bunch of whiney, cryboys in need of extra powdering.
So, in honor of those in Congress, who worked nearly 100 days to earn their $165,000 of our tax money in 2006, these rankings are for you, as we look at some golfers who really are working it.
Golfer Supremacy Rankings
1. Jim Furyk
Comments: After starting with three sizzling rounds, Furyk came back to earth Sunday with a 74, but it was still more than enough to win the Sun City-Nedbank Challenge by two strokes. The World’s No. 2 golfer cruised past Europe’s best players in the tournament that saw Ernie Els and Sergio Garcia get fines for throwing clubs. Despite the loss, European players can take heart that they are only 22 months away from stomping the U.S. in the 2008 Ryder Cup.
2. Tiger Woods
Comments: Woods announced that Dubai will be the location of his first golf course design, as he will soon be hard at work designing a 7,700-yard course, with golf academy in the oil-rich city. Woods said he picked Dubai because he was excited about the “challenge of transforming a desert terrain into a world-class golf course.” The $42 quadrillion he’ll be getting paid for the project is just a bonus.
3. Erica Blasberg
Comments: Sure, In-Kyung Kim and Hye Jung Choi shared medalist honors at the 2006 LPGA Final Qualifying Tournament, but the tour is already loaded with South Korean sensations, as the average LPGA tournament features more Parks than Montana and more Ohs than a Paris Hilton video. The real story is the return of Blasberg who stuttered through 2005 and 2006, and had previously missed full-exempt status twice by just a shot. The California cutie finished in a tie for 12th, which was just enough to earn her 2006 Tour card. Experts say the LPGA’s Babe Factor will rise a full 28 points with Blasberg appearing regularly at events.
Random Factoid: Venezuelan Maru Martinez also earned her LPGA Tour card, but with the re-election of Hugo Chavez, will have to wait and see if she gets to play. Chavez has previously threatened to disallow Venezuelans from playing professional sports in the U.S. Chavez also reportedly plans on taking away the birthdays of Venezuelans, who have an average income of $0.0002 a year, and survive on a diet of gnats and gnat droppings in the oil-rich nation.
Random Factoid II: New Orleans will likely be taking some more time off to regroup, as St. Paul Travelers Cos. Inc., the largest commercial property insurer in the New Orleans area, plans to cancel commercial policies over the next year. The move will hurt rebuilding efforts in the area, and the possibility that other insurers could join Travelers could put the kibosh on New Orleans altogether. A Travelers spokesman said the company didn’t trust the levee system in the area, and believed that the next hurricane that cruises by could very well make for oceanfront property in Arkansas.
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