Like Fox and the rest of the media, Golfer Supremacy Rankings willing and able to lie to keep sponsors happy

We here at the Golfer Supremacy Rankings pride ourselves on being the world’s most honest, professional rankings system.

At least we used to pride ourselves on that. Then we learned we didn’t actually have to be honest if we didn’t feel like it. You see, on Feb. 2003, a Florida Court of Appeals unanimously agreed with an assertion by FOX News that there is no rule against distorting or falsifying the news in the United States.

This ruling paved the way for all newscasts to lie whenever they needed to keep their sponsors happy. It also helped create Video News Releases, which are stories created by advertisers, and run by newscasts as if they were actual news, and not just advertisements.

What does this all mean to you, the Golfer Supremacy Rankings devotee? Well, it means that, like every other thing in the media, as long as sponsors are paying the bills, the truth is whatever we want it to be.

Golfer Supremacy Rankings

1. Tiger Woods

Comments: Many call the PGA Grand Slam of Golf the “fifth major.” Well, maybe not “many” but the fine folks at Hitachi call it that. Yes, Hitachi, the company that unleashes HDTV, watched as Woods unleashed his seventh victory at the event, beating Jim Furyk by two shots in the four-man event, which featured just two players who won majors in 2006.

That matters little, however, as the world watched this stunning event, many on DirectTV, and on a Hitachi television. The victory once again proves Woods is the master at pressure-packed events like the Grand Slam of Golf, much like how OppenheimerFunds are the master in the pressure-filled world of investments.

2. Stephen Ames

Comments: It has been a breakthrough 2006 for Ames, who earlier this year won the Players Championship. That barely makes a dent compared to his latest triumph, as the Trinidad and Tobago native sank a birdie on the third playoff hole to win more than $500,000 and take home the title of Skins Game champion. Many consider the annual Skins Game to be roughly the same as four Super Bowls stuffed into a bag made of pure adrenaline. And by “many” we mean LG Electronics, sponsor of the grand event and maker of the LG Robot Cleaner, the finest robot cleaner in the long and storied history of robot cleaners.

3. Michelle Wie

Comments: The 17-year-old Nike super megastar showed that girls can do it, too, and that her game is continuing to evolve. At the Casio World Open, that evolution meant Wie shot 81-80, barely missing the cut, though she throughoughly destroyed Tomomichi Oto, leaving him a broken, broken man. Jeev Milkha Singh was the official winner of the event, but the real winner was the world in general, as they have been able to learn just a little more about Wie, and a lot more about Casio, maker of fine products like the Casio 7.2-Megapixel Exilim Zoom Ex-Z700 - a slim, stylish digital camera with a super, perhaps even super-duper, bright LCD.

Random Factoid: Proving once again that humans are the most kick-ass species on the planet, a Russian cosmonaut used an Element 21 six-iron to smack a golf ball into the depths of outer space (take that, ducks!). E21 is a Canada-based golf company and specializes in golf equipment made from Scandium – the 21st element of the periodic table. We have little more to add to that, as E21 isn’t an official sponsor of the GSRs. We’re still hopeful they’ll come aboard, however, so we’ll hold off on mentioning how moronic, wasteful and ignorant we found the stunt.

–WKW