Golfer Supremacy Rankings bail on Baghdad as others bail from golf, and integrity

When the Golfer Supremacy Rankings decided to make its home office in Baghdad, we were assured that it was like Myrtle Beach, with the exception of the beach and golf courses. And every so often the ground or people would explode. But aside from that we were told the GSRs would be greeted as liberators in a nation desperate for the freedom to have its own sophisticated golf ranking system.

We must admit that the situation looked so promising, we didn’t even bother thinking about a backup plan for our move to Iraq. In fact, our main plans consisted of trying to put a second office up in Iran, and maybe a third in Syria. We figured that once those Shinites and Sunnies and Turds and whatever else they have over there tasted the deliciousness of our style of golf rankings, they’d quickly denounce everything they ever believed in and blindly follow us.

Sadly, things didn’t quite work out the way we hoped, and now we’re making like Wesley Snipes and getting the Iraq outta here. We don’t admit to failing, of course. In fact, looking back, we feel the blame needs to go only one place - Bill Clinton’s penis.

Golfer Supemacy Rankings

1. Lorena Ochoa

Comments: It appears that Annika Sorenstam may be ready to bail out on her position as the World’s No. 1 female golfer, thanks to a remarkable year by Ochoa. The talented Mexican star used a brilliant final round to come from behind and top Sorenstam at the Samsung World Championship, giving her five victories for the year and put her in line for Player of the Year honors. At 24, Ochoa has gotten better ever year and appears ready to take over Annika’s spot as the golfer that the LPGA and their sponsors wished wasn’t the best in the game.

2. Ron Sirak

Comments: Maybe it’s time for the Executive Editor of Golf World magazine scribe to consider bailing, after he spent his morning banging out about 800 words on the breaking story that Michelle Wie was changing agents. Hell, not even the group of derelicts over here has spent any time on that. It sort of reminds us when Thomas Sowell jumped the shark as a political commentator by writing 7,500 articles on Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky, messy dresses, etc. Maybe some people care about who will be the next guy telling us that shooting 75 consecutive scores of 72 or more is “progress,” but here, we think that’s the sort of thing that should go in a golf news roundup of some sort, underneath something like “Karrie Webb present at opening of new GAP store in Sydney.”

3. Arnold Palmer

Comments: Palmer did what so many great athletes have done in the past - he saw his game was in the tank, then he waited 30 years and bailed. We here at the Golfer Supremacy Rankings feel awful being too harsh on the great Palmer, however. So, we’ll let a blogger named Fumier do it:

The silly old chucklehead apparently hit little white balls professionally for over fifty years, during which time he won 7 so-called majors, all but one of them in a space of 5 years, from 1960 to 1964. All 7 were won on home ground, in the US.

In other words, he never won overseas and, apart from his brief spell of success, didn’t win any majors in nearly half a century. That would be like Tiger Woods playing for another two centuries and winning nothing else. No wonder the old git is so sad.

Random film review: Caught a movie called “American Dreamz” last night that was so bad in so many ways that not even the adorableness of Mandy Moore could save it. It made me feel bad being a human. I bailed halfway through.

Random film review 2: Bad movies can be good, however. Take the Madonna flick “Swept Away.” Now there was a bad film worth watching. Here’s the movie:

1. Madonna’s a bitch.
2. Madonna gets stranded on a desert island with an Italian dude.
3. Italian dude spends half the movie smacking Madonna around.
4. The Italian dude and Madonna share the same chemistry as say, John Mark Karr and any grown woman.
5. Madonna falls in love with the Italian dude.
6. They get rescued.
7. Everyone lives unhappily ever after.
8. Director Guy Ritchie officially becomes “Mr. Madonna.”

Seriously, invite a bunch of people over and watch it, it’s so bad it’s fantastic.

Random debate point: If Madonna was stranded on a desert island would there be peace in the Middle East? Would the world be a better place? Discuss.

Would a world where Madonna is stranded on a desert island be a better place?

–WKW