Golfer Supremacy Rankings demand a full, unconditional, weeping apology from the Pope

We here at the Golfer Supremacy Rankings hereby demand a full, unconditional apology from Pope Benedict XVI for his recent insinuation that we are a “golf rankings of hate.” We find this proclamation to be hurtful, shortsighted and somewhat perplexing to the point that we wonder if we heard him correctly.

Nonetheless, should our demands not be met, we will be forced to frantically wave our hands in the air and then repeat the demands, in even sterner tones. Plus, we won’t stop pointing out how much he looks like the evil emperor from Star Wars:

Golfer Supremacy Rankings

1. Paul Casey

Comments: Casey literally shredded Shaun Micheel to win the World Match Play Championship title and the kazillion dollars that goes with it. Casey won 10 & 8, which ended a run of strong play by Micheel, who ousted Tiger Woods in the first round. With the Ryder Cup on the way, Casey’s victory could also be called by its other name: foreshadowing.

2. Kevin Stadler

Comments: Stadler won for the second time this year on the Nationwide Tour, and wrapped up his 2007 PGA Tour card after winning the Boise Open. Stadler, who like his dad Craig is an adorable pot of chubbiness, previously won the Johnnie Walker Classic in Australia this year, to qualify for the European, Australasian and Asian tours and is one Nationwide Tour victory from automatically gaining acceptance into PGA events. Known as the “Baby Walrus,” Stadler’s victory also enables us to post a picture of an adorable baby walrus.

3. Ben Curtis

Comments: Curtis won the 84 Lumber Classic, for his second victory of the season, to go along with his victory at the Booz Allen Classic. And, like the Booz Allen Classic, the 84 Lumber Classic will never be held again out of shame of having Ben Curtis win.

Just kidding. Actually, the 84 Lumber Classic is ceasing operations to rid the world of the lamest trophy in the history of sports.

Random Factoid: The GSR’s also demand a full apology from all Scientologists for “Battlefield Earth,” Tom Cruise and Greta Van Sustern.