Golf in the News: Analyzing the big stories so you don't have to

With both Michelle Wie and Tiger Woods sitting at home this weekend, one would imagine that all golf news would come to a grinding halt. It didn’t. Color us surprised.

Golf in the News

“Michelle Wie Keeps Finishing Last”

The Source: Deadspin.com

Summary: Someone named Hugh Johnson calls TravelGolf.com’s Tim McDonald some names, then gives his opinion on Michelle Wie playing in PGA events on sponsor’s exemptions. The opinion: “Meh, whatever.”

Nut Graph: “The good news is that she was only two strokes worse than someone named Todd Hamilton, just five strokes worse than Justin Leonard, and just six strokes worse than John Daly.”

Analysis: Someone named Todd Hamilton won the 2004 British Open.

“Karl Rove to attend Burns’ golf junket”

The Source: Billings Gazette

Summary: Presidential advisor Karl Rove will be at U.S. Sen. Conrad Burns’ golf fundraiser at Bigfork for a strategy session and reception following the Burns Classic Golf Tournament.

Nut Graph: “The decision was made to close the event to news coverage and the public because campaign strategy will be among the topics.

“Most football coaches don’t allow reporters into their locker room at halftime – it doesn’t make sense to telegraph our play book,” Klindt said.”

Analysis: Burns, known best for being an old pal of Jack Abramoff, being obscenely corrupt and finding repeated racist remarks to be endlessly hilarious, was reportedly thrilled to hang out with Rove. Satan, however, declined an appearance at the fundraising tournament, for fear of tainting his image.

“Despite the support of the GOP, golfers and God, a judicial candidate flops”

The Source: Minneapolis/St. Paul CityPages

Summary: After losing in his bid for the judge’s seat in the ninth judicial district of Minnesota, after voters disagreed with him that the translation for the First Amendment, isn’t “Hey, Theocracies rock!” magistrate Tim Tingelstad will be going back to hawking his “The Way” brand of putters.

Nut Graph: “I used the passage from John where Jesus says ‘I am the way, the truth and the light and no one can come to the father except through me,’” Tingelstad explained about how he named his putters. “It’s a witnessing tool, but also a fun way to meet people.”

Analysis: The Way putters have a suggested retail price of $249.

“Golf cart road rage erupts”

The Source: Citizen.co.za

Summary: In South Africa, a French tourist was golfing too slowly for the taste of the players behind him. They rammed his golf cart with theirs and then dropped him like a sack of potatoes.

Nut Graph: “Philippe Vinee, a radiologist of Strasbourg in France, had to receive medical treatment after he was allegedly assaulted by another golfer at the White River Country Club. He received six stitches to a gaping wound above his left eye.”

Analysis: A French guy getting popped? That sounds like a happy ending to this blog.

–WKW