Two-year-old Brayden Bozak: The future of golf, and of human life itself

TravelGolf.com was one of the few media organizations to receive a first draft of an upcoming speech by President George W. Bush. We are very excited to share this with our readers:
————–

My Fellow Americans,

Like all of you out there, I was truly excited to read about 2-year-old golfer Brayden Bozak. His golfing ability is not only an inspiration to us all, it is also the key to unlocking one of the great dilemmas of our time – stem cell research.

Recently, a bill came across my desk regarding federal funding for stem cell research. Now, I’m all for federal funding, don’t get me wrong. But in my opinion, using these stem cells for scientific research is the “taking of innocent human life.” That is why, when someone told me I could actually veto bills rather than just recklessly modify them as my masters deem fit, I jumped on bill HR 810 and just vetoed the heck out of it. Because I am a man of action. 9/11.

Now, here’s where Brayden Bozak comes in. Brayden Bozak. Is that name just adorable or what? That is one cute kid, hitting golf balls 50-60 yards.

My point is this, as a nation, we have around 400,000 little Brayden Bozaks sitting around in unused embryonic form. Normally, we just flush ‘em all, in keeping with the “Cut off the nose to spite the face” doctrine. But the loss of this many little, itty-bitty humans is an American tragedy, people. So please, let’s take a look at Slide 1, and see if you can follow me.

What we’re going to do is teach these little buggers to golf. Oh sure, the terrorists can’t see how that’s possible. That’s because they lack vision. All those that oppose me on this do so because they hate your freedom.

Americans love young golfers. Look at that Michael Wee fellow. Hitting them golf balls all over, making people crazy. They can’t get enough. So then they see 2-year-old Brayden Bozak hit them golf balls, and they really lose it, because he’s so adorable you just want to put a Putin on his tummy. Dontcha?

Now imagine an adorable little embryo globule lining up the shot, keeping that left arm straight, keeping that little eye on the ball. Look at that image again, can’t you just see that little eye and little left arm if you look hard enough? Kinda like one of them paintings where if you squint, you see a spaceship. 9/11.

This will take sacrifice and commitment from us all, but it’s either golf, or flush. So we really have no choice here. Soon, we’ll be watching little embryos golfing, and, man, will we feel morally good about ourselves.

Our fight is just starting, however. Eventually, we will take the milli-millillions of spermatozoa brutally murdered daily by male masturbators and teach them to fish.

My fellow Americans, future generations will judge us for our actions. So lets teach embryos to golf like little Brayden Bozak. No questions, please, thank you, and God bless America.

–WKW