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A bald, tearful Tiger Woods and a top-5 Michelle Wie highlight an uncertain future

Wednesday July 26, 2006 | 08:51:35 am 293 words, 77584 views

In the not-so-distant future:

Daddy?

Yes, son?

Who is Tiger Woods?

Well, he wins a lot of golf tournaments, son.

What?

He’s one major victory away from breaking the record for all-time majors.

Huh?

He’s the one that gives all that money to charity.

Ummm …

You know that crying bald guy we see on TV most Sunday afternoons? That’s him.

Oh, him. And when will Michelle Wie win a tournament?

Oh, very soon, son. Keep in mind, she’s only 24. For her age, 121 Top-5 finishes is amazing.

Daddy, can I have a snack?

No son, the law is very strict about this. No eating after 6 p.m., it’s bad for you. Do you want daddy to go to jail like grandpa?

I guess not. Daddy, why do Americans win every women’s golf tournament?

Well, son, since the U.S. bought South Korea, Americans have dominated that tour.

And who’s Carolyn Bivens?

Oh stop it, you know she cleans our house, now you’re just being silly. By the way: Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

A U.N. inspector.

A U.N. inspector who?

Boom! Now stop nosing around in our affairs!

Huh?

You’ll get it eventually, son.

Daddy?

Yes, son?

What was the Internet?

It was a place where only sexual predators went, according to the 374th Amendment. President Bush pushed that through.

Why is she always drunk? And is she going to do another photo shoot for Maxim?

President Jenna has some problems. And keep your voice down.

Daddy, do I get to play in that junior tournament this weekend?

Sorry son, but it’s going to be 140 degrees out there again and the USGA won’t let anyone use carts. Now go to sleep, tomorrow’s Christmas, after all.

Ok, daddy, good night.

Good night, son.

–WKW

5 comments

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: Stacy [Visitor] · http://www.worldgolf.com/blogs/golf-for-beginners

WKW, you are hilarious! I mean, where do you come up with this stuff?

Sweden might be a good purchase. With ladies like Sorenstam who have already chosen dual citizenship with America, it won't be long before we don't have an LET anymore.

Permalink 07/26/06 @ 10:35

Comment from: Judge Smails [Visitor]

WKW,

I had heard about the paternalistic busybodies in the windy city. And I want to ask you: what party are they affiliated with? And what party's members propose/enact such laws on a regular basis?

Think about it.

Permalink 07/26/06 @ 13:11

Comment from: Joe Cool [Visitor]

Well, after seeing MW'S performance today at the Evian, my Wie Wooing is quickly Waning. She missed another 2 foot par putt and on a 110 yard par three hole hit a sandwedge 30 yards over the green for another bogey. Meanwhile, on the less than 6200 yard course, others were shooting 7 to 9 birdies under perfect conditions. Michelle had to make a 40 foot eagle putt on no. 18 to score a 69 and only be 3 shots off the lead. Again, (and this is really the same old game plan) she only was under par on one par five...with her "incredible" length off the tee, she should easily birdie every par five. What excuse will she have this time??

Permalink 07/27/06 @ 00:46

Comment from: tasha [Visitor]

Who in this universe plays a perfect game? Wie makes a bogey and you're bent out of a shape and your wooing is waning?! This was only one round, and there's three more.

The cup half empty philosophy does't work well when one is faced with a 40 foot eagle putt. But obviously Wie is from the cup half full school of thought so she holed the putt. Three shots off the lead on a major after round one is good.

"easily birdie every par five"!? What kind of absurd comment is that? Length isn't everything, but it helps. Course management comes with maturity and experience. Right now there is a 16 year old from Hawaii, in the second round of an LPGA major who is sitting second--one shot behind Kari Webb--and I wonder who that would be?

Permalink 07/27/06 @ 10:16

Comment from: John Neal [Visitor]

Wie, Webb, Ochoa...deja vu all over again.

Permalink 07/27/06 @ 13:13

William K. Wolfrum

a WorldGolf.com Blog

WorldGolf.com's William K. Wolfrum blogs about everything in the world of golf and travel, including Michelle Wie, Lorena Ochoa, Tiger Woods and other PGA and LPGA headlines. Plus, he offers the humorous and obscure in news, politics and pop culture.