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Iowa hunters learn the dangers of attacking golf bloggers

Tuesday July 25, 2006 | 12:04:01 am 465 words, 1929 views  

A while back, looking to have a little irresponsible fun at the expense of others, I wrote a piddling little blog about a decision by the Ottumwa, Iowa city council allowing deer hunting on local golf courses. For me, it was mainly an opportunity to use the following line:

“Perhaps Ottumwa is just completely overrun with deer, but I didn’t see anybody asking about whether shooting golfers was cool or not. I demand answers. Because, my friends, it starts out with a 38-handicapper getting capped in Ottumwa, and will end with Phil Mickelson getting landmined at Pebble Beach.”

Now I imagined that making fun of Iowans was roughly on par with mocking the Amish; childish, sure, but it’s not like they’ll ever find out. Well, lo and behold, it turns out Iowans are literally light-seconds ahead of the Amish, technologically, with many actually having Internet access (though mostly via AOL, I’d imagine).

Anyway, a certain, select group of Iowa hunters didn’t find me funny AT ALL.

“Moron!! It’s people like you that make people like us hate golf! So what if a golfer gets plugged, one less snobby jerk in the world that we have to worry about! You can stick your golf club up your a**, I am going to hunt where the hell I feel like it - Golf Courses included,” wrote one such humorless hunter.

Sadly, Iowa hunters had to learn the hard way not to mess with this so-called “snobby jerk.” Because God, in his infinite wisdom, has decided to drop a pox on Iowa hunters, as a recent study appearing in the Emerging Infectious Diseases journal, has shown that an Iowa duck hunter is one of three in the state that had evidence of an uncommon type of bird flu virus in their blood.

A quick show of hands: Would you rather be gently mocked on a golf Web site, or research material for something called Emerging Infectious Diseases? Well, if you were in Iowa, you’d get both, I suppose.

Now, before you get all crazy ("Dear Lord! Wolfrum’s wishing a massive Bird Flu outbreak on Iowa hunters!!"), keep in mind that the virus was not known to be dangerous to humans and not related to the feared H5N1 virus, and all involved are just fine and dandy. And it’s not like I want anyone to get sick – not even those who proposed shooting me as a debate tactic.

But my point is this: Being a humorless hunter will only hurt you in the long run. I wish no harm on anyone, but obviously a much higher power is at work here. So hurl invectives my way at your own risk. At very, very least, wash your hands after you kill something. It’s not like you’re Nebraskan, after all.

–WKW

Permalink 2 comments

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: Bruce Stasch [Member] · http://www.worldgolf.com/blogs/golf-gear-news
What a humorless bunch of hayseeds. I lived in Iowa for twelve years (left the state after my "sentence" was up and moved back to Minnesota). You know what the best thing to come out of Iowa is: Interstate 35.

Also William my boy, I think you rolled over far too easily under the pressure of the Iowa hunter's comment. Was the fact that he carries a gun and probably went to the same gun training school as Cheney have something to do with it? A robust comment war is exactly what is needed with my friends from the South.
PermalinkPermalink 07/25/06 @ 08:57
Comment from: toto [Visitor]
Bruce: I, too, went to Minnesota (thru Iowa) - the one day of summer that you'all have "up there" - I'm not sure coming from a state that list a wrestling has-been as governor would be much diff-rent than a "humorless bunch of hayseeds" - wot u think?

WKW: the problem is that your "point" is obvious - you have no point - only writing some "prose" designed to get someone's goat (or is that you simply wanted to flip the bird?)

and Nebraska? ... obviously, you've never heard of the big 12...hmmm

toto
PermalinkPermalink 07/26/06 @ 13:41

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William K. Wolfrum William K. Wolfrum

a WorldGolf.com Blog

WorldGolf.com's William K. Wolfrum blogs about everything in the world of golf and travel, including Michelle Wie, Lorena Ochoa, Tiger Woods and other PGA and LPGA headlines. Plus, he offers the humorous and obscure in news, politics and pop culture.