McDonald's LPGA Championship, U.S. Open and NBA Finals winners revealed in bold predictions
As someone who has made some bonehead predictions in the past, I’ve learned some valuable lessons regarding prognostication. The most important lesson is to always make your predictions in bulk. This is the “Carpet-Bombing” technique.
Now, keep in mind that no predictions are foolproof, but I can say with complete confidence that every single pick made here will come true.
McDonald’s LPGA Championship: Mi Hyun Kim. Or Hee-Won Han. Actually, if you can find a McSouthKorean field bet for this one, jump on it.
U.S. Open: Tiger Woods. Everyone will cry. The CBS made-for-TV movie “Winning One for Earl” will air the following Tuesday.
NBA Finals: Miami Heat in six. Even after losing Game 1, this pick is a lock. There’s just one Shaquille O’Neal, which is good, as if there were a bunch of them wandering around, it would be creepy. Shaq will dominate in the end.
Barry Bonds: His body will break like one of those old wind-up trains, with 734 home runs. Everyone will act all smug about it.
World Cup: Brazil. It is actually against the law in several nations to not pick Brazil to win this event.
Percentage of readers that just skimmed over this section once they saw the heading “Soccer": 97.
November U.S. elections: Republicans will shockingly dominate and add to their advantage in Congress. Political pundits will blame the democrat’s “Crap Yourself and Flee” and “Let’s Sell South Carolina to China” platforms.
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