What does a guy need to do to get a golf ball hit into orbit, anyway?

Tomorrow, Russian and American astronauts on the International Space Station will conduct a five-plus-hour spacewalk.

And at no point during their time in space will any of them golf.

Now, if you’re anything like me, there are only two things in life: One: wacky, possibly cataclysmic outer-space golf promotions, and Two: everything else.

This is why I personally feel betrayed by the Element 21 Golf Company – they said they’d deliver a Russian astronaut bashing a golf ball into orbit around the planet. They got tons of publicity for this idea, and now, they didn’t deliver.

And don’t give me this guff about reports not being done and safety being an issue. No one would come up with a stunt like this if they cared one bit about safety. In fact, that was the whole draw of it. You could just see the headlines:

“Out-of-orbit golf ball takes out International Space Station! All will perish!”

But now, no such luck. I mean, couldn’t Element 21 reach a little deeper and pay off the Russians a little more? They’re Russians, for God’s sake. Payola was the first thing they relearned when capitalism showed back up over there.

Sadly, being a Canadian company, Element 21 just doesn’t have the gumption to break every rule in the book in order to succeed. And we’re all the lesser for it.

The stunt may take place next year, but now, who knows. I feel like they’re stringing me along. I remember writing about this before, along with every other media outlet known to man. We were all so young and naive, excited about a brave new world that would include a golf ball orbiting it.

We want our hope back, Element 21. We want the opportunity to be part of the generation that took a golf ball and obliterated a working space station with it. And right now, that opportunity is gone, and it’s a colder, meaner world as a result.

–WKW