Exclusive! New document shows possible rules changes in golf

To: Rules Committee
From: Tim Finchem
Re: New golf rules proposal

Hey guys,

As per our discussion, here are some proposed rule changes for our game. I really think these will help everyone.

Peace Out,
Timmy

New rules proposal

1. If you aren’t healthy enough to play golf, you’re no longer allowed to be married to Catherine Zeta Jones.

2. Players whose first and last names start with the letter “R” must meet myriad requirements in order to play in any tournament, anywhere, regardless of fan interest. This is a follow-up to our earlier “Let’s jerk around Rick Rhoden” discussion.

3. All PGA players named “Brett Wetterich” or “Aaron Oberholser” must now be referred to as “Michelle Wie.”

4. Schedule three new tournaments at Indonesia’s Mount Merapi Golf Course.

5. Stop killing kangaroos. This just didn’t turn out as funny as we thought it would at the Christmas Party. Find other ways to get in Greg Norman’s head.

6. Rein in Donald Trump. He’s going Colonel Kurtz on us, building golf courses all over the place. Kill his kangaroo if you have to (but seriously, after that, enough with the kangaroo killing.)

–WKW