Apr
13
Acting like a bloody wanker, Tiger Woods spaz's out and offends England's handicapped
When Tiger Woods called himself a “spaz” on Sunday at Augusta National, it was a pretty adequate description of his putting. The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language defines the word as “clumsy or inept.”
If you watched Tiger’s travails on the greens at the Masters, you’d be forced to agree.
Unfortunately, far away, where they speak a similar language to the U.S., the Scope, a UK charity for cerebral palsy sufferers, has let it be known they’re outraged. Of course, this group was once called the Spastic Society, so they shouldn’t be casting any stones.
Anyway, England’s upset that an American used an American phrase that turns out to be an insult in England. Isn’t that just bloody awful?
Here in the U.S., we have one of the greatest golfers in the world in Woods, and he’s going around acting like a bollocksbag. It’s time we in the U.S. got our arses in gear and stopped offending everyone. Especially when we aren’t even talking to or about them.
Personally, I believe it’s bloody well time we all stop acting like we’re all completely pissed, oblivious to the word-needs of every other nation standing. It makes us look like a bunch of wankers, really.
We are not a bunch of sods and pillocks, here, mates. Tiger Woods showed his fanny to the world. Now he needs to go have a fag and think about his word usage. And if this shite continues he’s aiming for a swift kick in the bum for acting like such a berk.
–WKW
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21 comments
Excellent entry. I mentioned this "spaz" problem that Tiger has gotten into on my podcast, but you did a much better treatment of it.
04/13/06 @ 09:01
Comment from: Stacy Solomon [Visitor]
The "spaz" comment was Tiger's slang and the British have no right to comment on his personal usage of it.
Now if he was talking about other Brits I guess they could get their knickers in an uproar ;-)
Now if he was talking about other Brits I guess they could get their knickers in an uproar ;-)
04/13/06 @ 09:11
Comment from: Amy [Visitor]
Honestly, it seems that for every word in existence there's someone out there who'll be outraged by its use. It doesn't take a genius to know that Tiger had no intentions of disrespecting people who suffer from cerebral palsy. If these people are so upset over such a minor incident, then they should consider locking themselves up in a closet for the rest of their lives, because if they knew of the real horrors going on in our world they might go into cardiac arrest.
04/13/06 @ 13:33
WKW, Political Correctness British style also proscribes the term "handicapped."
04/13/06 @ 13:46
Comment from: damobunyan@yahoo.ie [Visitor]
A few observations:
The UK charity you refer to was is called "Scope" and not "The Scope". It was once called "The Spastics Society", not the "Spastic Society". They changed their name when the terms "spastic, spacker, spaz, spazzer etc etc" began to be used in the UK (and elsewhere in the englsih speaking world) as a general insult to anyone with physical disabilities.
You imply with your cast the first stone line that the charity used an offensive term in its title when in reality, the term became offensive after the British TV show Blue Peter ran a series of episodes on people with Cerebral Palsy and then they changed their name to reflect this...but I digress!
The bottom line is that the term Spaz is considered extremely offensive in the rest of the english speaking world and it is only right that poeple in the US are made aware of this. On a lighter note, your attempted use of British terminology and slang is woeful, as is your punctuation. As a suggestion, maybe you should use less commas in your posts?
Cheers Mate!
The UK charity you refer to was is called "Scope" and not "The Scope". It was once called "The Spastics Society", not the "Spastic Society". They changed their name when the terms "spastic, spacker, spaz, spazzer etc etc" began to be used in the UK (and elsewhere in the englsih speaking world) as a general insult to anyone with physical disabilities.
You imply with your cast the first stone line that the charity used an offensive term in its title when in reality, the term became offensive after the British TV show Blue Peter ran a series of episodes on people with Cerebral Palsy and then they changed their name to reflect this...but I digress!
The bottom line is that the term Spaz is considered extremely offensive in the rest of the english speaking world and it is only right that poeple in the US are made aware of this. On a lighter note, your attempted use of British terminology and slang is woeful, as is your punctuation. As a suggestion, maybe you should use less commas in your posts?
Cheers Mate!
04/13/06 @ 13:56
Alex: I actually was aware of that.
Other poster: Thank you for a marvelously cheerful example of the British stereotypes of conceit, pettiness and rampant political correctness. Biting satire, my friend.
--WKW
Other poster: Thank you for a marvelously cheerful example of the British stereotypes of conceit, pettiness and rampant political correctness. Biting satire, my friend.
--WKW
04/13/06 @ 14:07
"Bloody" is terribly offensive to hemophiliacs.
Use of the plural is offensive to those who cannot count past one.
The title of the British show "Blue Peter" is degrading to those of us who grew up in Minnesota and got our willies frostbitten while ice-fishing.
Brits who criticize punctuation and cannot spell "people" or capitalize "English" are just generally irritating.
And if we're going to get REALLY prescriptive and pedantic, it is "fewer commas," not "less" (comma is a count noun, not a mass noun).
BTW, we Americans cannot help it if the Brits are mean-spirited toward their disabled citizens and use such words to describe them. In my dialect, "spaz" is indeed clumsy and inept.
Use of the plural is offensive to those who cannot count past one.
The title of the British show "Blue Peter" is degrading to those of us who grew up in Minnesota and got our willies frostbitten while ice-fishing.
Brits who criticize punctuation and cannot spell "people" or capitalize "English" are just generally irritating.
And if we're going to get REALLY prescriptive and pedantic, it is "fewer commas," not "less" (comma is a count noun, not a mass noun).
BTW, we Americans cannot help it if the Brits are mean-spirited toward their disabled citizens and use such words to describe them. In my dialect, "spaz" is indeed clumsy and inept.
04/13/06 @ 14:52
Comment from: damobunyan@yahoo.ie [Visitor]
LOL! I mispelled "englsih" as well, btw. I'll run it through a spell checker next time. My comment about commas was simply to point out that there were hundreds the spazzin' things and it made it very difficult to follow the piece.
Also, I find Brits generally irritating all of the time, regardless of their punctuation and capitisation skills.
Also, I find Brits generally irritating all of the time, regardless of their punctuation and capitisation skills.
04/13/06 @ 15:08
Comment from: pete [Visitor]
It was good satire, well done you have our permission to write more
04/13/06 @ 15:59
damo, I accept your suggestion. I will use FEWER commas in my posts. Incidentally, what has happened to your spelling?
04/14/06 @ 08:50
All I want to know is - after a bad day on the greens - can I still say I putted like Stevie Wonder?
04/14/06 @ 11:03
Comment from: damobunyan@yahoo.ie [Visitor]
My spelling is normally OK, my typing is the issue here. perhaps i should type less/fewer words and concentrate on content instead.
04/14/06 @ 16:51
Comment from: Simon [Visitor]
I think the problem here is bad journalism. There was no outrage in the UK. The tabloid pree got hold of it and tried to make more of it than was actually there. Most people with any intelligence would recognise it was just a simple case of trans-atlantic language differences. But it seems that same thing is happening on your side of the pond. You are making it out that everybody in England was horrified by the comments, that is simply not the reality.
The comments about political correctness are spot on though. It does seem that everything people like Tiger and others living in the spotlight say offends someone somewhere, the media does play a large part in this though. I wont revert to your idea of steriotype of pettiness, unlike the Americans posting here who have just taken this as an easy excuse to badmouth the Brits.
I did enjoy the attempt at English slang, although what is a 'bollocksbag'?
04/14/06 @ 18:02
Comment from: damobunyan@yahoo.ie [Visitor]
Thats what i was wondering too-what is a bollocksbag? I know that in Ireland, the word bollocks can be used to describe someone as an unsavoury character and in the UK, bollocks is generally equivalent to "thats nonsense"!! But bollocksbag?
LOL - If you were to say to someone in the UK that "We are not a bunch of sods and pillocks, here, mates.", they would probably think you were insane.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to smoke a fag.
LOL - If you were to say to someone in the UK that "We are not a bunch of sods and pillocks, here, mates.", they would probably think you were insane.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to smoke a fag.
04/14/06 @ 19:15
Comment from: David [Visitor]
'Bollocks' means testicles.
I found this post enjoyable. It reminds me of Austin Powers where Austin and his father start talking 'English-English' so that the American girl can't understand them.
Simon is right - the general majority of British people just couldn't give a flying fart. I was watching the interview when he said the word 'spaz,' and thought nothing of it at all, but knew that something would be made of it by the self-righteous hypocrites of the world, whether in Britain or otherwise.
Anyway, his comment was true in any case. He did putt like a retard, although that wasn't what he meant. My dad has often said, after playing a bad round, that he 'putted like a retard with no arms.'
But in the interest of political correctness and all this stifling of free speech nonsense, I'd warn famous people to never tell the truth in an interview.
I found this post enjoyable. It reminds me of Austin Powers where Austin and his father start talking 'English-English' so that the American girl can't understand them.
Simon is right - the general majority of British people just couldn't give a flying fart. I was watching the interview when he said the word 'spaz,' and thought nothing of it at all, but knew that something would be made of it by the self-righteous hypocrites of the world, whether in Britain or otherwise.
Anyway, his comment was true in any case. He did putt like a retard, although that wasn't what he meant. My dad has often said, after playing a bad round, that he 'putted like a retard with no arms.'
But in the interest of political correctness and all this stifling of free speech nonsense, I'd warn famous people to never tell the truth in an interview.
04/15/06 @ 06:47
Comment from: Trader Woody [Visitor]
Anyone who thinks this article is biting satire is a complete spastic.
04/24/06 @ 18:47
Comment from: Rob Lambretta [Visitor]
Political correctness gone mad? Yep, we're used to that in the UK. If Tiger reckons he was a bit of a spaz, who are we to disagree?
Personally I think he putted like a cnut. hang on - where's me spellchecka
back soon
Personally I think he putted like a cnut. hang on - where's me spellchecka
back soon
05/03/06 @ 15:29
Comment from: karen [Visitor]
I enjoyed your English-English satire but I have to disagree with the line "Tiger showed his fanny to the world". I was once speaking to a group of Brits about my elephant named Phanny. They all looked alarmed. I thought it was about my elephant story but then they told me that fanny referred to a woman's vagina in English-English.
06/26/06 @ 11:40
Comment from: Rob Lambretta [Visitor]
On a semi-related matter (free speech / censorship), I am always amazed to see the response still provoked by Neil Young's "Southern Man". (some people think he had no right to bring up the race subject, because he's not from the South. Which is like condemning Bob Marley for "Redemption Song", because it was based on a time long before he was born)
Anyhoo - write what you want to write. You could even claim that golf is a sport - and I will defend your right to do so.
Keep on putting in the free world!
I'm off to have a couple of faggots now.
Anyhoo - write what you want to write. You could even claim that golf is a sport - and I will defend your right to do so.
Keep on putting in the free world!
I'm off to have a couple of faggots now.
07/14/06 @ 15:59
Comment from: jk [Visitor]
All I can say is in the words of the song "Don't want to be an American idiot". Tiger should have known better.
10/30/08 @ 23:41
Comment from: Chris Hansen [Visitor] 
I'm so happy Tiger's world is falling apart, long may it last!
12/11/09 @ 13:02
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