Tom DeLay learns not to mess with golf; now lets buy Barry Bonds some clubs

Watching Barry Bonds get a syringe thrown at him last night in the San Francisco Giants’ Opening Day game in San Diego, I was struck with the thought that now would be a good time to invest in syringe manufacturing.

Fans will be throwing syringes at Bonds all season, because baseball rarely does much to contain its criminals.

Golf, however, is not a sport to be trifled with. Ask Tom DeLay.

Yes, DeLay, the man who fattened himself and his family on free trips to top golf courses around the world on someone else’s dime, is to resign from the U.S. House of Representatives. DeLay said he was doing it for the good of his party.

“I refuse to allow liberal Democrats an opportunity to steal this seat with a negative personal campaign,” said DeLay, showing that he’ll never give up on his “Screw America, Go Republicans!” platform.

This is the latest step down for DeLay, who slinked out as House majority leader in September. Still to come for the former master of the universe could be some solid jail time for money laundering and for using corporate and campaign finances any way he pleased.

Jack Abramoff, a man whom the words “Disgraced lobbyist” will forever precede his name, will be there to greet him, and likely will sit down with him and explain that abusing corporate dollars really does screw the average American.

Because it has become blatantly obvious that if you mess with golf, you pay the price. Now if we can get Bonds’ enormous head and acne-scarred back on the golf course, perhaps we can start trying to get some integrity back in baseball, as well.

–WKW