A golfing debut with 11 aces makes Kim Jong Il the top Korean
After reading Jennifer Mario’s absolutely gushing blog about South Korean golfers dominating the LPGA’s Office Depot Championship, I realized something needed to be done to present a more balanced picture of Korea.
I mean sure, South Korea has great athletes, doctors, scientists and whatever other types of professionals Koreans need. Sure the South Koreans have food and freedom. But North Korea has something that totally wipes them off the map (figuratively, not literally, at least as I’m writing this).
The Great Leader, the Sun of the Nation and of Mankind: Kim Jong Il.
Put aside any notions you may have about the man. Put aside his lust for nukes, a penchant to torture and starve his people and the funky glasses. These things are irrelevant.
The simple fact is this: Kim Jong Il is the greatest golfer in the history of, well, history.
According to North Korea’s crack research department, the diminutive dictator shot a 34 his first time golfing. And no, not at mini-golf, at a championship, par-72 course. He drilled home 11 holes-in-one in his miraculous 34-under round and reportedly still shoots in the low 50s, though at 60-plus years of age, his holes in ones are down to four or five a round.
So cheer on the South Korean women if you like, just remember that to the north there is a golfer that can handily beat them all. Or at least he would if he could get his hands on them.
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We do however have a small point of difference from the "official" North Korean report, which, as you point out, claims that the Dear Leader still shoots in the low 50s. Our correspondent understood that he had in fact given up the game altogether, having found it far too easy to be interesting (please see extract below). He took up amateur brain surgery instead.
The Dear Leader, faithful to the national philosophy of 'Juche', or self-reliance, has never had a lesson. Indeed, his heroic 38 under par score was his first and only round of golf! When he learned that this was a full 25 strokes better than any other human had ever achieved, far from being tempted to take the game up seriously, he decided that there were greater challenges to his intellect and atheletic ability, and has not touched a club since.
I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life, as to when I read on an MSNBC article that he had 11 holes-in-one...
Anyone else hope that Tiger will stand up and invite him to a round...?
Even Tiger Woods won't stand a chance if he plays in North Korea!
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