Pampered geese the latest sign of Canada's collapse

When Mike Weir missed the cut at the Bell Canadian Open and Canada as a nation didn’t implode into crazed anarchy, I was somewhat red-faced, to say the least.

I blame myself for that overeager prediction, which was made immediately after I watched The Day After Tomorrow". I suppose I figured if global warming could wipe out the Earth in 15 minutes, a Mike Weir collapse should take out Canada in roughly the same time.

Luckily for my predictions career, it does appear Canada is being overrun with hippies, but they’re lollygagging, as hippies are prone to do.

Case in point: In Leduc, Alberta, Canada, notorious geese-mover Peter William Francis now has charges against him for, well, moving geese. Turn out that Francis was moving geese from a golf course, forcing Environment Canada to unleash its trained robots and killer dogs against him.

Ok, maybe not, but likely Francis would rather take his chances with the robots and dogs than what the environmental group is looking to dish out on him. By removing geese from a golf course, Francis is in violation of The Migratory Birds Act and could face six months in jail or a $300,000 fine.

And no, there were no golden eggs anywhere near these geese. Environment Canada pursued these charges because the “best interests of the geese and all concerned citizens were not taken into consideration.”

The geese have surprisingly declined comment, but this is situation says plenty about Canadian golf. When defying the best interests of geese can cost you six months in the slammer and $300K, there are obviously sinister forces at work.

If you want more information, or just feel like calling someone to say “What on Earth is this about?!” then here’s a person to contact:

Drew Mahaffey
Wildlife Officer - AB
Environment Canada
Wildlife Enforcement
(780) 951-8891

–WKW