Masters preview: Time to end this Tiger love-in

Okay, it’s a bit late for an April Fool, but here’s mine anyway. PGA Commissioner Tim Finchem yesterday announced the inauguration of National Hate Tiger Week in a desperate last-ditch bid to promote real competition at PGA events. The man who brought you the FedUp Cup told a press conference attended by one (me in my dreams) that NHTW would actually be a rolling programme of weeks occurring whenever Tiger Woods was playing a PGA Tour event. On other weeks, he added, it was perfectly okay to hold National I Love Tiger Weeks instead.

Hate Tiger Weeks would involve mandatory retraining of all PGA golfers, including sessions of throwing darts at pictures of Tiger, sticking pins in his effigy, and rubbing feet on Tiger doormats. Finchem said the idea came to him when he arrived at Augusta National for the Masters on Thursday morning to find all the contestants supine on the first tee tonelessly chanting “Tiger, Tiger, you’re so great, so much better than us, we love you man". Asked if he did not think his response a little over the top, the commissioner refused to make any further comment to anyone who didn’t have 100,000 FedUp points.

Maybe not eh? But it’s been a bit of a marathon wading through all the announcements of Woods’s victory before a single club has been swung in anger. For the record his price, which has been slowly drifting out to about 2.8, tells us the market thinks he is still slightly more likely to lose than to win despite the millions already resting on his head. Such a miserable return is not for me(you’ll be pleased to know Shanks).

There’s been some talk in the forums that it’s not worth backing anyone else because if Tiger streaks away with it there’s not even the hope of an in-play trade. But that’s not Tiger’s style. He prefers to stalk his prey, building his game up to a weekend climax. It’s as likely as not he won’t lead after round one or even two unless he really is on fire this week.

So I still think it’s worth looking at some challengers. I’m afraid they are pretty predictable, because as the whole world and his father have been telling us, experience is all at Augusta.

Phil Mickelson: A peculiar season, not helped by the schedule change that robbed him of his usual warm-up the week before. But he and Tiger have been so dominant over recent years that, despite his avowed nervousness, I don’t think he’ll disgrace himself, well at least not until the 72nd hole.

Vijay Singh: This is the year for Vijay to cap his excellent season with a great showing here. A previous winner, he’s always in the Augusta hunt - heck even when he was putting like a blind man last year he came eighth - and if Tiger or Phil haven’t wrapped it up by Sunday I look forward to a traditional Vijay charge.

Sergio Garcia: I know, flat-stickitis and all that, but I agree with my colleague William K Wolfrum that he’s worth a look. He is in rude form and should have sussed this course out by now. Worth a punt as top European? Yes, unless you fancy my next pick.

Bernhard Langer: Augusta winner (forget last year’s missed cut) who is in super form. If anyone should know Augusta’s mesmerising greens by now it’s him. The market hates him (580) but that could just be an opportunity.

Ernie Els: As one commentator noted recently the only thing his game really lacks now is confidence, which is why I am iffy about him. But he’s right up with the best stats-wise and tops the putting table.

I guess we should also have an Aussie so, although it’s a tough choice, I’m going to go for Adam Scott to emulate Lefty by following a win with a hot Augusta showing. Watch out too for Retief Goosen. His recent form puts me off, but he has two third places in his last two outings here and if anyone does fast greens its the South African.

Couple of outsiders I would throw in are Arron Oberholser who, after I dissed him last week, came ninth and was 14th at Augusta last year, and Angel Cabrera, because I like him as a player and he’s already had three top 10s here this century.

So come on you also-rans, don’t take this Tiger thing lying down. Otherwise, I’m going to have to switch my affections to basketball, and if you saw how my eyes glaze over whenever that comes on the tele you’d know just what a drastic step I was considering.