Have a golf partner who's a yakker? Here's a tip for putting the lid on it

There are few things I don’t like when playing a round of golf. Obviously I am not fond of the “ugly threes"…, those three putts and triple bogeys. But beyond them, even when the score is not great, I truly enjoy simply being on the links…except when I am playing with a ‘yakker.’ You know the guy I’m talking about. The one who insists on giving a detailed description of every shot that didn’t “come off” like he had envisioned.

Usually he tries to find an excuse, like saying for the fourth time, “I just got these clubs re-shafted and I’ve got to get used to them,” or “Did you see that? The wind didn’t push my ball one yard toward the hole,” as it sails into the bunker.

Fortunately for his type we have a nice little game that my other playing partners can introduce him to if he keeps it up. The game is called, “Oh, really!?”

Here’s how it goes: Whenever anyone says something about a shot they just hit that is blatantly obvious, like, “I hit behind it again!” and it is a shot that everyone clearly saw, someone in the group responds with a sarcastic, “Oh, really!?” That costs the ‘yakker’ whatever the determined amount that has been set, let’s say two dollars. (It may depend on how much you actually like the player you are trying to quiet.)

So let’s say he’s not your best buddy and has a chip to the flag from across the green which is sloped back to front. His ball breaks easily ten feet below the hole which causes him to exclaim, “That shot must have broken 10 feet left!” He is immediately hit with an “Oh, really!?” (Does he think we are blind?) That costs ‘yakker’ two bucks for the pot. The total is collected at the end and pays for refreshments. Don’t be surprised if it exceeds the first round of drinks. While your other companions just play golf, chat, tell stories, and have the occasional “dammit,” over a poorly played shot, the target of the game just keeps getting socked with $2 penalties because he can’t resist another “Geez, I left another putt short,” or, “That may be the worst shot I hit all day,” or, “Did you see that, I putted it through the break.” Those comments simply cry for an “Oh, really,” from his companions, and they never fail to come.

It may not be the game for your best friends (if you want to keep them) but it is very effective for halting the non-stop play-by-play, swing-by-swing, analyst providing the commentary on his own swing…

“Oh, really!?”