Brainwashed yet? Masters TV coverage needs more than three sponsors

So I think I found something more annoying than the regular season PGA Tour events with its endless stream of sexual dysfunction and prostate enlargement drugs:

The same three sponsors peddling the same spots over, and over, and over, and over, and over again for four straight days.

I’ll be the first to commend the Masters for their limited commercial interruption. Just four minutes out of every hour is an advert. Not only is it refreshing, it’s smart, because it becomes practically impossible to get off the couch at all. I was on the couch paralyzed all Sunday. Part of this immobility was the captivation of the golf going on. The other part, I’m now realizing, was brainwashing. Exxon Mobil, AT&T and IBM did their best to turn me into a Winston Smith-like zombie throughout the week.

What I’m trying to figure out though, is why these companies even bother shelling out such big bucks on advertising when their products aren’t really even related to the consumer.

Exxon Mobil’s PR spots were clearly trying to dispel the “Big, mean, oil” image they’ve been branded with after their years of record profits with their reminder of their contributions to teaching math and science to kids. Lets all remember that next time gas is at $4 a gallon.

AT&T had a mix of this golf spot where the guy is hacking his way around the world and another with the hippie shoe salesman guy, then some other one where they highlight the fact the company has been around a long time. Now, I have AT&T as my cell phone carrier and I will say the international coverage came in very handy when I was in Spain. I just wish I had decent coverage IN MY APARTMENT.

IBM had some great looking spots. But what the heck am I supposed to do with their sales pitch about developing global infrastructure? Do they even make computers anymore? Give me something I can use.

So for 2009, I’d like to ask the Masters to open the airwaves to a few more sponsors geared towards the TV viewer.

First off, they need a fast food sponsor. I am known to get off the couch and go get Wendy’s when I see an add for their bacon cheeseburgers - or order a Domino’s Pizza when I see steaming hot cheese bread coming out of the oven.

They also need a booze sponsor. Augusta is selling beer on it’s grounds, so don’t tell me they’re above a beer sponsorship. They don’t have to allow the Super Bowl light beer commercials on their precious airtime, but you’re telling me Guinness wouldn’t buy up some spots for this event? Or what about a nice scotch or whiskey maker?

Also, I didn’t see any ads for a golf equipment manufacturer: I wasn’t hocked one driver or putter or golf ball all week. I kind of miss them.

Lastly, and most importantly, there wasn’t one hot chick in a single ad all week. I’d guess 80% of the viewers were adult males, and you’re telling me we can’t get a little skin between golf? I know the Masters is a classy brand - and I’m not asking for Hooters girls, or one of those text message ads where you can download naked lady screensavers to your phone. But what about a Bally’s Total Fitness spot where a bunch of babes are in spandex sweating it up in the desert? Or a black-and-white perfume ad where a girl is on a beach wearing nothing but wet sand?

That might even prompt a little Viagra usage from the viewers.

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