Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke doesn't want you to take a Scotland golf trip!

Traveling American golfer,

United States Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke does not want you going to Scotland, Ireland, or anywhere in Europe to play links golf. My sources tell me its because Bernanke never mastered the bump-and-run and likes riding golf carts with GPS.

That makes perfect sense, considering Bernanke’s 1.25% interest rate cut in the last ten days and his persistence to keep the dollar weak versus most global currencies. He clearly has something against the rest of us who want to experience links golf.

Look, I’m no economist (although the “C” I got in Micro despite sleeping through or skipping every lecture that semester counts among my greatest collegiate achievements - right up there with my exclusive interview for the student paper of Polly Pantz, the lead singer of 80s cover band of Hairbangers Ball).

But what I do know is that when you slash interest rates, inflation risk rises, and the next thing you know your Wal-Mart is filled with Canadians.

I don’t understand Bernanke’s reasoning. Sure, a weak dollar means U.S. goods fly off the shelves to the rest of the world, but I think we can all agree we would rather go into a recession than have to pay $6 for a beer in Ireland - or $250 for a €175 green fee.

There are ways you can Rage Against the Fed, however, as I detail in this “How to save on your links golf trip” feature story, like self-planning or going to Wales.

So be happy that the Dow isn’t going to crash (for now) and that you can probably refinance your subprime mortgage a little cheaper (maybe). But understand Bernanke is robbing you of a somewhat affordable links golf vacation in Europe, and all because the Augusta, Georgia native has no wind game.

Fast fact: Research finds laboratory rats instinctively value Euro bills higher than U.S. notes, because of the Euro’s many colors and shiny things on them.