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A 12-foot reason in favor of golf carts over walking

Sunday December 9, 2007 | 05:23:01 pm 695 words, 7118 views  

There have been occasions during my time as a writer at WorldGolf.com where I have suggested that walking a golf course is a superior experience over riding. It’s an argument that generally sparks passionate comments from each side.

As of today, I am dismissing my favor of walking and siding with the riding set.

Yes, I’m flip-flopping faster than a line cook at I-HOP.

The change in heart, you ask?

This morning I arrived to Hilton Head Island and was greeted with high-70 temps and not a cloud in the sky. Getting ready to tee off on the Hills Course at Palmetto Dunes, I decided I would walk. Days like these weren’t meant to be spent in a golf cart.

The Hills Course is plenty walker-friendly in terms of routing, despite going through a housing development at most points. After a string of pars to begin the back side, my round was going quite swimmingly.

That is until I was walking from the tee to the fairway on the 16th hole, which features a lake on the right side, then another past the fairway on the left.

It was so still I didn’t even see it until I was about 15 yards away. As I walked towards my tee shot, my peripheral vision spotted something that doesn’t belong. I didn’t have to turn my head more than 15 degrees right before I knew what it was: a gator bigger than I’ve ever seen outside of a zoo sitting in the rough. This thing had to have been twelve feet (way bigger than this guy). My heart skipped a few beats and I had to double-check my khakis to make sure I didn’t soil myself after I had scurried up the fairway.

I know these gators are generally harmless, and the thing barely moved as I crept past. But I’m a pale, Yankee wuss. (I’m not WorldGolf.com rube Tim McDonald, who when I played with him at the TPC of Myrtle Beach, would purposely duck-hook drives towards ponds in hopes he could find himself in a wrestle match with a large reptile of some kind. “Bring it on!” he would yell, splashing the swampy water with his 5-iron, hoping to avenge his old buddy Bubba’s gator mishap. Bubba now walks with a pegleg after his right leg was bitten off by one somewhere in the swamps of Marion County).

On my native Michigan courses, you’re never face-to-face with an animal that could eat you if it desired. So I’m a sitting duck down here. I watch far too little Discovery Channel to know what to do if the alligator had made a move at me. If he came after me and I had a golf cart, I would speed off in some zig-zags or maybe climb on top of the roof (Can alligators climb? Again, don’t watch enough Discovery…). Maybe I would use the cart as a pick and the gator chases me around it in circles (It would be quite hilarious to an onlooker from their backyard porch. They would probably wish a pianist was playing some rag time in the background - that is until the gator finally caught me and ripped my face off…).

I saw a member of Palmetto Dunes on the next hole and mentioned my close encounter. He explained, nonchalantly, that it was a female that just had eight babies last week.

That’s all I need to hear. If giant gators are spitting out eight offspring at a time, and are probably viciously protective of them, I’m not walking a course anywhere within 100 miles of the coast.

I can already see the dream I’m going to have tonight: I’ll wake up and the gator is crawling around on my hotel room floor asking me for breakfast. Or I hear “telegram” at my door in the morning, only to open it and she’s somehow standing upright, in a rain coat holding a butcher knife.

So long as I’m in the lowcountry, I’m resorting to the safer, speedier confines of a golf cart, and when I attend the PGA Merchandise Show in January, I’ll be looking for the vendor that is peddling Gator-Mase.

Permalink 3 comments

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: Shanks [Member] · http://www.travelgolf.com/blogs/shanks
They can run like dogs for about 20 yards or so, at speeds of up to 35 mph. Thank God they rarely attack humans unless provoked.
PermalinkPermalink 12/11/07 @ 10:08
Comment from: Kiel Christianson [Member] · http://www.travelgolf.com/departments/authorarchives/christianson.htm
I've seen bears on golf courses in Michigan. They
could mess you up as well. And they run as fast
for longer than gators. (Both are TASTY though, if cooked up right.)
PermalinkPermalink 12/11/07 @ 15:09
Comment from: BV [Visitor]
Bear: much like pork but a bit fattier, and best when smoked for a couple months in a good smokehouse.

Alligator: tail meat 'tastes like chicken' and is excellent batter-fried and dipped in ranch dressing.

Grew up in MI and live in FL - both areas have their course hazards...and no one has YET mentioned the damm GEESE! ;)
PermalinkPermalink 12/27/07 @ 14:02

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Brandon Tucker Brandon Tucker

a WorldGolf.com Blog

WorldGolf.com's Brandon Tucker offers his unique perspective on golf and travel destinations from Scotland and Ireland to Myrtle Beach. He also chimes in on news events on the PGA and LPGA Tours, Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson and other happenings around the world of golf.