Are all Hawaiian teenagers as crazy as Michelle Wie and Tadd Fujikawa?

I’ve never been to Hawaii, but I’ve come to the conclusion there is something in the dewy-sweet air, or maybe the lush, volcanic vegetation that drives its native teenagers completely insane.

How else you could explain my MySpace friend Tadd Fujikawa, someone I thought was a reasonable, grounded young adult jumping at the chance to go pro at 16?

Apparently the USGA, the PGA or someone needs a rule in writing you have to hit puberty before opting pro. This is getting ridiculous.

This ironically coming just weeks after fellow Hawaiian and teen phenom Michelle Wie’s low point as a professional, hacking it around for two days at the U.S. Women’s Open before withdrawing from the event and any others in the foreseeable future. Tadd’s decision makes as much sense as a Saturday Night Live skit this season. He couldn’t wait until after the Walker Cup this fall at Royal County Down? Seriously??

All these kids want the “bling-bling” before they turn 18. I blame rap music. I blame Laguna Beach. I blame the IPhone. I blame inflated real estate costs that have priced most young professionals out of the entry-level market. Couldn’t he have gone to college, maxed out 15 credit cards like all the other normal kids, then turned pro?

This clearly proves Hollywood isn’t doing its part to glamorize college as an orgy of parties and consequence-free behavior - your last chance to be a total, unapologetic doofus. You can’t do that once you’ve gone pro, even if you eventually enroll like Wie did at Stanford. She’ll have sponsor-folk hawking over her the whole time.

The Wie-Fuji generation clearly needs its own Animal House.

Jamie Lovemark is my new horse, storming through the college ranks. He’ll be ten times better than little Tadd - who should have at least waited until he was as tall as Ian Woosnam before waving “aloha” to his amateur status.

I swear, if Nike so much as makes Tadd an offer, I’m leaving capitalism, moving somewhere remote in Yukon and turning hippie.