Fat kids caddie camp: the solution to obesity and high looper fees

In the tech-dependent world we’ve created, I’m surprised we’re not ALL blubbery whales. The only reason I’m not 300 pounds is because I never get away from my computer more than five minutes to stuff two slices of Wonderbread down my pie hole. I have to replace my chair as often as I get the oil changed in my car.

The 21st century diet is fast food washed down with World of Warcraft.

How much fatter and inactive are we going to get? There are hippos I saw recently in South Africa starting to feel threatened. I thought this epidemic was confined to the USA, but even Europe is realizing they can’t fit into their slim Armani/Exchange denims as easy.

Meanwhile on the golf course, caddies cost too much so we ride economically-efficient golf carts instead, despite the added pleasure caddies bring to a round of golf.

But for that luxury we’re talking $50 plus a $20 tip. Look, I’m so cheap I think $20 for the golf itself is pushing it. I’m riding.

There is an obvious solution: A National Caddie Kids Fat Camp. If a kid has become too overweight or dependent on X BOX, they are sent to a municipal golf course for four months, where they carry two bags, 36 holes a day.

A free service to golfers, this program is government sponsored because tax money 20 years from now isn’t paying for these kids’ diabetes. An added bonus, golfers will lose weight and get exercise since they’re walking.

This idea has winners all around. If you were a chubby kid, would you rather caddie on golf courses or go to that boot camp on Maury?

The golf industry wins because the round is more enjoyable and we want to play more often.

Now that we all agree on the immediate potential of this program, can somebody explain to me why our politicians in office can’t think of genius ideas like this? I blame it on the pharmaceutical lobbyists.