As a first-time attendee to the PGA Merchandise Show in Orlando, I would have to describe the massive show room floor as “Organized Chaos". Less pushy than main streets in the Caribbean islands but more bustling than a morning on the Vegas Strip. It can be a golf junk sensory overload. You could walk by a single merchant six times before noticing it.

With such a wide variety of products and budgets, there are varying philosophies on how to stand out from the crowd. This is where the industry’s marketing people earn their paycheck. Generating traffic and turning heads is tough, especially if you’re a tiny boutique sitting next to a conglomerate like Taylor Made or Callaway armed with all the bells and whistles.

Some companies seem to be taking the obvious “Sex Sells” approach. Either these companies have a surplus of model-type women who just happen to be in the golf industry or they are equipped with a friendly smile and look good in a hula skirt.

Instead of hiring paper thin models, Groove Equipment Limited is promoting its grooved putter with an old school bright yellow and blue putter with matching wigs for their two classy-dressed yet equally cute girls.

(*On a side note, I should point out what a tremendous service I am doing to you loyal readers. There are literally hundreds of cute, young and available PR chicks crawling around this place. It’s unbelievable. Of course, I can’t fraternize with them too much despite being a young single guy, because as we all know it would be a conflict of interest to a writer who has taken an oath of reporting on the glamorous and crooked golf industry. Now I know how Catholic priests feel. You can thank me anytime.)

Moving on, how about claims that sound great but really mean nothing?

“The entire face is the sweet spot” - Is the slogan for the new MacGregor drivers. This statement is so outlandish the entire marketing team should be fired or made President of the USA.

“Callaway FT Drivers for a better game” - Actually, golf is played from tee to green. Unless I can hit sand blasts and nail four-footers with it, this is an exaggeration. Please don’t give me the “well you’ll be closer and in the fairway” defense either.

Just about everywhere you turn there is a golf simulator. Full Swing Golf Simulator is trying to separate itself from the pack by offering free beer and HBO’s Entourage star Kevin Dillon. We’ll see if TravelGolf.com’s official jersey chaser Chris Baldwin found him important enough to speak with. I can’t imagine anyone being as big-time as Kenny G.