I’m not the biggest of golf equipment gurus. That isn’t to say however I’m not out for clothing that will make me look stylish no matter how my swing parts clash.

I’ll let fellow bloggers Tim McDonald and Chris Baldwin scour the floor for the biggest and baddest drivers (or maybe Baldwin is busy hunting for B-list celebs) on day one of the PGA Merchandise Show (after all, their game needs it way more than me anyways).

I’ve darted past the Sharpie exhibit and poorly stocked press lunch buffet line for the apparel. What first comes to my attention is that many brands seem to have the delusion that their clothes can make you play better. Huh? A Polyester-nylon hybrid will apparently help to trim your handicap? We’ve all seemingly missed the boat on why players are hitting it longer and scoring lower. It’s the shirts, silly. Not the 470cc drivers and space shuttle metals.

Among fashion winners is the J. Lindberg line: Euro in style but not in a Sergio, orange pants kind of way. Believe it or not there is a subtle side to style overseas.

Page and Tuttle is the best American brand you’ve never heard of. They have no PGA Tour players on board yet, so they are low profile. But their shirts are classy and well-fitting with very comfortable Nylon-Cotton-Polyester combo in their upscale Forsyth of Canada line. It’s hip but not super-hip.

Puma’s entry into golf has mixed results. I’m much more of a fan of their women’s line than men’s, which is a little too flashy for my tastes. On the right 20-something lady however it blows Nike out of the water.

Proof that it’s way cooler to be a golfer than any contact sport these days, Under Armour, originally known for brutish stretch clothes that accentuate bulging muscles in football, is expanding their golf line. I haven’t seen any TV ads for the golf section yet, but if it is anything less than the U.S. Ryder Cup team getting riled up on a shuttle bus with Paul Azinger darting up the aisle screaming, “WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE!!!” I’ll be sorely disappointed.

My list of fashion losers must start with the dreadful Ancona line. Unless you want to look like a senile old man with the added bonus of being colorblind, stay away from their squiggles and bizarre color schemes. The Italians have some work to do in golf fashion.

The J. McLauglin line also caters to Palm Springs’ most un-hip.

For women, if you have always wanted to look like the wife in “Goodfellas” once the 80s hit along with her cocaine addiction, now you can with Tail Tech’s leopard skin sleeveless polos.

For shoes, Puma has introduced a line included some solid gold shoes ala Olympic sprinter Michael Johnson from Nike fame. Perhaps I’m not the only one who feels golf should be an Olympic sport.