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Great win in U.S. Women's Amateur Kimberly Kim! Let's talk business, Wie is way ahead of you. . .

Monday August 14, 2006 | 03:04:25 am 370 words, 4607 views  

Congratulations Kimberly Kim, on your fantastic U.S. Women’s Amateur Championship!

The bad news…Michelle Wie beat you to a lot of the good sponsors - which you sorta deserve for staying amateur this long - but the good news is that exploiting teenage girls in America never goes out of style, I’m sure we can make some deals.

But we’ve gotta cash in fast before some 12-year old with a pet monkey as a caddie wins next year. The lifespan of a golfer is only about 30-60 years. Each month counts.

First off, the name. Your parents clearly didn’t have “exploitation” or “marketability” in mind when you were born. That’s okay, but Kim-Kim won’t work, we’ve already got a Brit-Brit in the tabloids. Brainstorm with me, “Kim Blade", “Kim Ace", “Kim Kong” okay that last one’s dumb.

Now the braces. . .I hate to say it, but there’s a slice of the male population out there that fawn over teenage golfers a little too much (most of them comment on this blog board all the time, you can’t miss em). You might have to nix the braces for the time being. Once we get you some contracts with Adidas or McDonalds, maybe they’ll buy you the invisible kind. You think FHM is gonna want a hunk of metal on their cover? No.

Next up, you need a lofty goal. A mission. You can’t just be happy to have been the youngest to win a national Amateur event. You have to be a trail blazer. An icon. Make it personal too….

I’VE GOT IT: At the Mercedes Championship a few years back, you asked Tiger Woods for an autograph after the round, he said “Beat it” and walked off, now you have a personal vendetta to defeat him, mono e mono on your home soil in Hawaii before you die. Try and sign with Adidas too, so there’s a shoe rivalry as well.

Lastly, I think we need an innocent quote gone awry, something to start up a little cat fight - that’s the only entertaining thing about the LPGA anyways. How about: “I think what Michelle Wie is doing is great, I’d just rather win stuff, he-he.”

Kimberly, you still have your braces on…

Permalink 8 comments

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: maui john [Visitor]
actually, I think Kim Kong is pretty good!
PermalinkPermalink 08/14/06 @ 12:01
Comment from: Banana Boat Bill [Visitor]
You can attribute 90% of Michelle Wie's sponsorship dollars to her legs. Corporate sponsors are very shallow.
PermalinkPermalink 08/14/06 @ 13:30
Comment from: Joe Cool [Visitor]
It was pretty remarkable what Lil Kim did to win that championship. The feat would have been incredible even if she was 25...but, 14 years, 11 months is really impossible!! It was bad enough for the "Deutsche Madchen" to lose after being 5 holes up...but to birdie the last two holes when she was only 1 hole down and still lose was really incredulous!!! Congratulations Lil KIm...I wonder how Michelle would have handled the pressure...oh, excuse me, we already know the answer to that question.
PermalinkPermalink 08/14/06 @ 16:05
Comment from: Jay [Visitor]
Tucker, you too jumping on Wie-bashing band wagon ? Enjoy while it lasts because she will come back with a vengence in year 2007, and you Wie-bashers will have to eat your shorts.
PermalinkPermalink 08/14/06 @ 20:07
Comment from: Brandon Tucker [Member] · http://www.worldgolf.com/blogs/brandon.tucker
Jay,

I don't bash Wie so much as I bash "The Man" behind her. Her moves are about as calculated as a new teen heart throb's.

I will go on record as saying Wie will win something in the next year.

Maybe it'll be golf, maybe it'll be Dancing with the Stars.
PermalinkPermalink 08/15/06 @ 06:49
Comment from: Johnny N. [Visitor]
In answer to how Wie may have handled the pressure at the amateur. From looking at the difficulty of the greens and pin positions, I'd say Wie would have won about 10&9 against either player.

The level of golf that Wie plays is well above their levels.
Wie beat Kim by 23 shots over 4 rounds at the US Womens Open.
That's about an 11 shot advantage over the 2 rounds of the us amateur championships, so the pressure of a tight match would likely not have been an issue.
PermalinkPermalink 08/15/06 @ 10:30
Comment from: Ghet Rheel [Visitor]
Brandon

"The Man" behind her? You write a golf gossip column! Who do you think you are working for? Sorry, "Street Cred" is out of the question for you. Are you angling for "Cart Path Cred"?
PermalinkPermalink 08/15/06 @ 17:46
Comment from: Merrin [Visitor]
"(most of them comment on this blog board all the time, you can't miss em)."
So true. so very freakin true. the Maria Sharapova/Kournikova thing icked me out in the early stages too.

"I think what Michelle Wie is doing is great, I'd just rather win stuff, he-he."
Even the die hardiest Wie warrior has to admit this was chuckle-worthy.
PermalinkPermalink 08/15/06 @ 22:33

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WorldGolf.com blogger Brandon Tucker offers his unique perspective on golf and travel destinations from Scotland and Ireland to Myrtle Beach. He also chimes in on news events on the PGA and LPGA Tours, Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson and other happenings around the world of golf.

 

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