Let Arnold Palmer play in the Open. Someone has to finish last

So what, Arnold Palmer doesn’t steamroll the competition anymore. Ya, he might shoot 95 at the Open, but most retired people are bored out of their mind. His legacy makes a lot of golfers a lot of money these days, so it’s his tour, welcome him with open arms. Golf tournaments, especially on the Senior Tour, are about more than just where you place.

You know, I once entered a golf tournament I knew I wasn’t going to win. Come to think of it, I entered about 150 tournaments growing up I knew I had no chance at.

Why did I enter the tournaments, besides the humor of giving the better golfers in my foursome poison ivy by constantly making them look in the weeds for my ball (5 minute rule), you ask?

Because if I’m not golfing, I’d be bored and would be forced to spend my time on less constructive adolescent activities such as recreational drug use, loitering or (gulp) reading Maxim.

Ten years from now, golf is going to miss Arnold Palmer, and no one will remember his hacking years. Golf’s always been regarded as a lifetime sport so we shouldn’t criticize him for it. We should be criticizing more important things like gas prices, why Rasheed Wallace doesn’t post up Antoine Walker and how if Michelle Wie dislikes playing against women so much she should get a sex change.